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Marriage: Selecting a Marriage Partner
by Mohammad Mazhar Hussaini
Marriage is recommended for partners who share a common way of life. The matrimonial partners should be able to fulfill their purpose of creation as defined by Allah. They should be able to effectively carry out their responsibility as care-takers (khalifah) of earth. They should share the common goal of building a well integrated Muslim community and be able to work harmoniously towards it.
Criteria for Selecting a Marriage Partner
Normally the criteria for selecting matrimonial mates are many: wealth, beauty, rank, character, congeniality, compatibility, religion, etc. The Quran enjoins Muslims to select partners who are good and pure (tayyib)
"Women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity "(Quran 24:26)
Prophet Muhammad (S) recommended Muslims to select those partners who are best in religion (din) and character.
"A woman may married for four reasons: for her property, for her rank, for her beauty, and for her religion (and character). So marry the one who is best in the religion and character and prosper". (Bukhari and Muslim)
Prophet Muhammad (S) assured the bounty of Allah to those who wish to get married and live a pure and clean life.
"Three groups of people Allah obliged Himself to help them: Mujahid in the cause of Allah, a worker to pay his debt, and the one who wants to marry to live a chaste life". (Tirmidhi)
Freedom to Choose a Marriage Partner
Islam has given freedom of choice to those who wish to get married. The mutual choice of the would-be-spouses is given the highest consideration:
"do not prevent them from marrying their husbands when they agree between themselves in a lawful manner" (Quran 2:232)
The process of mate selection should be a function of a healthy balance between the freedom of choice of the would-be-spouses and consideration of the influence and consent of the parents/guardians.
The freedom of choice of those who wish to get married should not preclude the influence and consent of the parents/guardians nor should the parents/guardians ignore the wishes and consent of the would be spouses.
Falling in love is not a pre-condition for marriage in Islam. However, for the purpose of selecting an appropriate mat, the would-be-spouses are allowed to see and/or talk to each other.
Prophet Muhammad (S) recommended:
"When one of you seeks a woman in marriage, and then if he is able to have a look at whom he wishes to marry, let him do so". (Abu Dawood)
The would-be-spouse are allowed to see each other for matrimonial purposes under the direct supervision of their mahram relatives. This provision is expected to be conceived and executed with piety and modesty.
Prophet Muhammad (S) instructed:
"No man has the right to be in the privacy with a woman who is not lawful for him. Satan is their third party unless there is a mahram". (Ahmad)
The would-be-spouses residing in non-Muslim societies are recommended to enter into a pre-nuptial commitment to safeguard Islamic values and Muslim personal law.
Reprinted with permission: "Marriage and Family in Islam' by Mohammad Mazhar Hussaini
LIFE BEFORE:
Purpose and Obligation
6 Etiquettes of Seeking a Spouse
How to help Muslims get married, Tips for parents and Imams
How ISNA Matrimonial Service works
Whom to Marry: Selecting a Partner
An-Nikah: The Marriage Ceremony
LIFE AFTER:
Ideal Muslim Husband: a review
Muslim Women Working Outside the Home
Tips for Better Husband and Wife Relationship
Your Comments
ABDALLAH BAMBA, GHANA-TEMA -
wrote on 10/21/2009 8:17:29 AM
Rating: 
Comment: I am convinced that Islam provides the best way of selecting spouse, and infact, we need to educate our youth on Islamic marriage. thank you very much
ayesha, Britain -
wrote on 3/17/2006 1:16:23 PM
Rating:
Comment: I think you should provide more information on the importance of marriage itself.
shakeel ahmed, abudhabi -
wrote on 4/13/2005 3:17:14 PM
Rating:
Comment: itz really gr8 each and everythn written is true accordingly to shariah and quaran i really appreciate in this keep up the spirit and let us know more about the islamic way do and donts and also plzz give more concentration for the youth purpose like me who is goin to get a marraige and no idea wat our religion says thank you very much i have learned so many thinks from this wonderful site thanks again shakeel
BASMA, tunisia -
wrote on 4/11/2005 6:21:52 PM
Rating:
Comment: essalamou alikom,it is agood article , i'am not married but i want to add that if the wife or the hasband love eash ather because they love god they will forme a succeseful marriage they will encorege them selfs and forme one hand to win paradise together
Abudul Gafar, wein -
wrote on 1/4/2005 7:07:42 AM
Rating:
Comment: Asalam alehum,
Keept up and may Almighty Allah increase your knowlege amino and have little things to say,
Am so glad to write this letter because we muslim,we have alont of things to do in islam,we have to know al-qurian very well but is not all of us,know al-qurian so we need to ask before we do thing in life so that we will not be in wrong way and even soneome know al-qurian we need to sarech for more knowlege ,thanks.
Zuhra, California -
wrote on 10/14/2004 12:06:49 AM
Rating:
Comment: This article was great and very understandable. there are books based on issues like these and make no sense at all.
khadijat, nigeria -
wrote on 6/22/2004 10:20:58 AM
Rating:
Comment: I enjoyed your write-ups on marriage it has helped me to have a better perspective of what marriage is all about.Am planning to get married soon and this articles has helped me reach a better understanding of the do's and don'ts.May Allah continue to guide us.
Shakirulah A.A, Nigeria -
wrote on 4/9/2004 10:49:23 PM
Rating:
Comment: This article has done a great deal for me against the future. Actually i was targeting a sister but am confusing about that, but when i visited your web site i discovered that my dellima has been solved. May almighty Allah reward you all abundantly.
ahmad, iran -
wrote on 11/26/2003 10:41:54 AM
Rating:
Comment: That was a good article.
But people who are not moslem needs
more information than you have written
here.
Moniza Farooquee, India -
wrote on 8/13/2003 5:43:31 AM
Rating:
Comment: Give us more information from Quran.
More Comments
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