Parenting is one of the hardest jobs in the world. No doubt the amount of stress accumulated in such a job reaches monumental levels. Moreover, it is a job unique to everyone – no one else will parent the same way as you because each family has its own distinctive needs and culture. Thus, when the going gets tough, how does one cope with the difficulties of such an exclusive position?
There are many ways we parents can cope with our anxious and angry moments without hurting the bond with our children. It is important to develop a set of skills to deal with your negative emotions, and once you do, pass on these same skills to your own children. Let’s run through some suggestions that can help you manage your stress and anxiety as a parent.
Suggestions on How to Cope with Your Stressors:
1. Make time to “reset” every day.
A few hours in the morning after Fajr, while the kids are at school, or after the children’s bedtime would be a great time for you to rest and do activities that relax you. Whether that’s taking a long shower, engaging in exercise, reading a book, talking to your partner, or even playing sports. These are activities that lie outside of parenting and work that can help your mind reset. This is possible if you already have a daily routine your kids follow from wake-up to bedtime.
2. Get extra and steady support.
Other than your partner, rely on a family member or friend to help you with daily or specific tasks. These can include activities like having your child’s classmate’s parent drop your kids at school, having a grandparent babysit them when you need to get errands done, or having a professional cleaning service come in routinely to clean your home. It does not make you any less of a parent if you are not able to do all these tasks on your own. What matters more is that you can have a deeper and gentler connection with your child because you are able to free up your mental and physical load.
3. Form a fellowship with other parents.
Whether it’s through your child’s school or cooperative or extra-curricular activity, connect with other parents whom you see regularly to talk with about the similar struggles you go through and even plan regular get-togethers to build camaraderie. This way, you will be making solid friendships with your children, too.
4. Plan long-term breaks with your family.
It’s important to be relaxed with your family and to enjoy activities together outside of the mundane day-to-day routine. Plan small getaways, vacations, extended family reunions, picnics, or even couples activities with your partner. Your children will enjoy seeing you in a relaxed manner and feel more comfortable with you, and it will model to them that they, too, can take breaks when needed. Deliberately planning recreation in your life is important.
5. Avoid overscheduling for yourself and your children.
Signing up for too many extracurriculars not only puts a strain on your children, but on the parents as well as they need to make arrangements to facilitate those activities. It can get tiring for both parties. It’s important for children to have unstructured play time and bouts of uninterrupted solitude for adults. Both our brains will benefit from being unhurried as it promotes creativity, lowers stress hormones, gives us time to reflect on our lives and on Allah, and makes time for us to plan. Having children play by themselves in solitude also reduces behaviour problems as it calms them down.
6. Take good care of your basic needs.
Make sure to get enough sleep every night (about 7-8 hours is advised for adults) or take naps in the day if you have little ones waking you up at night. Moreover, eat balanced meals by either prepping them in advance or having those items readily available in your fridge and pantry. Additionally, exercise regularly as it is the best method to reduce our stress hormones. It can be as simple as walking regularly for 30 minutes a day. Finally, doing your 5 daily prayers on time, reciting Quran, and reading your morning and evening supplications will not only fulfill your imaan or feeling of conviction in your faith, but bring more barakah, continuous and multiplying blessings, in your time as you go about your day.
7. Get professional help.
When you feel applying the above suggestions is not helping to decrease your stress and anxiety, engage with a therapist. Psychotherapists, psychiatrists, or counsellors can help you identify the stressors in your life and teach you how to cope with them with cognitive and behavioural strategies and medication if needed. There is no shame in getting help this way; believe that doing this will help you be a better and more present parent to your children.
We all hope to be the best parents to our children. Finding what works for you to manage your stressors is the best way to help yourself and your family, inshaAllah, God-willing.
Sumayya Khan is a homeschooling mother of two and a teacher. She has worked with several Islamic schools and organizations in the last 10 years. She is currently teaching Literature online with Dawanet and studying the Qur’an through Al-Huda Institute. In her free time, she loves to spend time with her family and friends, play sports, enjoy nature, and read books. She currently resides with her family in Toronto, Canada.
Add new comment