Since the beginning of time, mankind has been plagued with trials of different types. When we experience calamities that appear to have their origins in the actions of other human beings, some of us may convince ourselves that we are capable of intellectually determining the causes of the calamities and of making sense of their effects. When countries wage wars that kill innocents or when angry, unstable people commit mass shootings, we who witness these atrocities can try to intellectually comprehend the causes and catalysts.
We, the people who witness the calamities, may attribute these trials to man's blunders, his emotional instability, his lack of spiritual guidance, or his inhumanity to his fellow man. We can even rationalize that human beings are just prone to behaving badly. But when the trial results from a so-called "natural disaster," who do we blame? More importantly, how do you reconcile the idea of a benevolent Creator with the One Who decrees a calamity? And how do we explain that apparent contradiction to our children?
What Should We Say and How Should We Say it?
It is easy to redirect them, silence them, or speak to them in confusing, lofty words that will cause the children to withdraw and remain ignorant. But even silent children want answers. They want to make sense of the world. Are we prepared to address their queries?
Here are a few suggestions to keep in mind when you strike up a conversation about calamities and disasters of any kind.
- Strive to be sincere and honest. Begin any talk with them by seeking refuge and saying, Bismillahir Rahmanir Rahim, in the Name of God, The Most Beneficent, The Most Merciful. And then make dua (personal prayer), asking Allah to assist us in choosing the right words. We should speak from the heart, and we should not be afraid to say, "I don't know." We should not suggest that as parents, we have all of the answers.
- Choose simple words and concepts that are age and developmentally appropriate. Young children may not need or want a complex answer. It may be sufficient to say that the whole of creation belongs to Allah. We may not always understand what happens, but Allah does what He does out of wisdom and mercy.
- Explain that Allah gives us trials to help us become more patient. And we know this because He says so:
"And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient, who, when disaster strikes them, say, 'Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return.”
(Surah Al-Baqarah, 2:155)
- Teach children about the seen and the unseen. From among the unseen things are the exact reasons behind Allah’s decree. Explain that we only know what Allah has revealed to us through His revelation. We have to limit our answers to what can be authentically conveyed.
- Tell them that Allah sends calamities for many reasons. If we are believers, He is sending us a strong message. He is reminding us of His Might. He is compelling us to call on Him sincerely. Disasters may cause us to be resourceful, finding inner strength, faith, and talents we did not know we had. From the stress of trials, people find new ways to approach problems. They are sometimes forced to work together.
- Tell them that Allah wants us to be strong believers. He, out of His Love and Mercy, wants to spare us later and greater punishment. Abu Musa reported that the Messenger of Allah peace and blessings be upon him, said:
“This nation of mine has been granted mercy. Their punishment is not in the Hereafter. Their punishment is in this world through persecution, earthquakes, and slaughter.”
(Sunan Abi Dawud #4278)
- Mention that for the disbeliever, the calamity can be a mercy, too. Surviving a calamity may make a disbeliever remorseful. He/She might repent or become more charitable or kinder. He/She might leave off sin and, hopefully, turn to Allah. What appeared like a punishment may become a blessing if it makes a person become a true believer.
- Remind that Allah is Al-Adl, The Just. He is the One Who knows exactly what is fair for us at any time. He is never biased toward any group. The fact that He decreed a calamity does not mean that He does not love us. He only wants good for us.
- And tell them to have faith and strive to be a good Muslim. Reassure them with the words:
“As to those who believe and do good deeds, establish the Salat and pay the Zakat, they will most surely have their reward with their Lord and they will have nothing to fear nor to grieve.” (Surah AL-Baqarah, 2:277)
When children ask “why?” they may or may not accept our answers. They may come up with even more questions. Ask Allah to grant all of us patient submission and understanding. That is the best thing we can do.
A Caution about Using the Term "Natural Disaster"
The term "natural disaster" is very misleading. Natural is defined as being “in accordance with or determined by, nature, i.e., all of the phenomena of the physical world, including the plants, the animals, the landscape, the weather, and other features of the Earth. It does not include humans or the creations of humans.” Using the term "natural disaster" minimizes (at best, and, at worst, outright rejects) the idea of events having a Divine cause. For the Muslim, this should never be the answer to "why."
Any explanation that we share with our children must first reflect the truth of tawheed, the Oneness of Allah, so we must be careful that our explanations do not mix truth with mythology or shirk. Therefore, the connotation of "nature" that is most problematic for Muslims is more clearly seen in another meaning of the word. Nature is also defined as, “the forces and processes that produce and control those phenomena.” This usage traces back to the Middle Ages and it associates nature with a deity. People gave human qualities to nature, using the personifying term “Mother Nature" when describing it. This practice has its roots in the worship of female deities like the Greek Gaia (or Terra, in Roman mythology) whose role was the control of natural phenomena.
Islam addresses this misunderstanding. It teaches us that it is only Allah Who is aware of and controls everything that exists and everything that happens. He has no partners or helpers in this regard. In Greek and Roman mythology, this maternal deity is situated above angels and humans, but lower than the Supreme Being. But Allah, in the Quran, says about himself:
“And with Him are the keys of the unseen; none knows them except Him. And He knows what is on the land and in the sea. Not a leaf falls, but He knows it. And no grain is there within the darkness of the earth and no moist or dry [thing] but that it is [written] in a clear record.”
(Surah Al-An'am, 6:59)
Not only does Allah know everything, but He also controls everything. Nothing happens without it being His decree.
“It is Allah Who created the seven heavens and of the Earth the same number, the Command descending through all of them so that you might know that Allah has power over all things and that Allah encompasses all things in His knowledge.”
(Surah At-Talaq, 65:12)
He arranges (every) affair from the heavens to the earth, then it (the affair) will go up to Him, in one Day, the space whereof is a thousand years of your reckoning.
(Surah As-Sajdah, 32:5)
Make Preparations before the Calamity Strikes
We should, therefore, be proactive and not wait until a calamity occurs. Remind children often about the beautiful names and attributes of Allah. He, indeed, has power over all things. Tell them He is The Most Merciful. He is All-Powerful, The Source of Peace, etc. The more children understand and use His names and attributes, the closer they may feel to Allah.
Regularly and visibly say the prayers we say for protection and teach them to the children so that they will already be armed with a response when a calamity occurs.
Our goal as Muslims has to be to accept Allah's decree, the good of it, and what we perceive to be the bad of it. We don't question His Command, even if that Command results in a calamity. Pray that we all submit to this ideal and that our children follow in the footsteps of the righteous when tested.
Candice “Sister Islaah” Abd’al-Rahim reverted to Islam in 1976, and considers herself a student of knowledge. She has deep education credentials which include an M.A. in Teaching, a Certificate of Advanced Studies (Post-Masters) in Administration and Supervision, a B.S. in English, and experiences as a principal (in fact the first hijab public school principal in Maryland!), curriculum and staff developer, mentor, and classroom teacher of grades pre-K through 12. She is a former adjunct professor at Johns Hopkins University’s Graduate School of Education and is a doctoral candidate in Islamic Sciences at the International Online University. Islaah’s contributions to the field have earned her honors in the Who’s Who of Distinguished JHU Alumni. She is a wife, daughter, mother, and grandmother and is an active member of several Muslim communities in the Baltimore area.
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