Motherhood during Ramadan is generally an arduous mission. As we approach the end of Ramadan, many of us mothers may be feeling burnt out from all the suhoor and iftar prep, spiritually numb while we hurriedly complete our prayers to crying babies, and feeling nervous for how the last 10 days will go as we anticipate more of the same.
Some of us may be in the throes of nursing our babies, feeling overly dehydrated from fasting or feeling guilty for forgoing the fasts because it is too difficult on our bodies, even though we are exempt.
Others may have toddlers demanding snacks and our attention throughout the day when we would much rather curl up on our couch for a long nap.
And even more of us may have to drive here and there for many of the extracurricular activities our older children are part of.
All these mothers may feel the painful absence or a deep disconnect from the essence of Ramadan because we cannot recite the Quran with rhythm and understanding, or experience khushoo – the sense that Allah is present before us – during our prayers, or even enjoy a hearty iftar or evening meal as we are racing to finish up on time to put the kids to bed.
And while we complete our children’s bedtime routines, we may even feel jealous that our husbands get to attend Taraweeh, extra prayers after Isha’ at the masjid. The word, Taraweeh, actually translates to ‘rest’ and ‘relaxation.’ Wouldn’t we hardworking and tired mothers love to feel relaxed in the spiritually abundant atmosphere of a masjid during Ramadan? Where our hearts can be filled with the remembrance of Allah? SubhanAllah, all glory is for Allah.
Until our young children can gain more independence and our schedules can flex easier, how can we feel content that we made the most of our Ramadan during this tiresome phase?
First and foremost, we must remember that raising our children can be a form of worship if we make the intention that we are doing it for the sake of Allah. Yes, that means if you intend it, then feeding them, putting them to sleep, gently teaching them manners and life lessons, and strategically breaking up tantrums and fights can all be considered worship and be amply rewarded.
Moreover, cooking for and feeding your fasting family members gives you the same reward as their fasts, as narrated in this hadith, saying of the Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him. Zayd ibn Khaalid al-Juhani narrated that the Prophet said:
“Whoever gives iftaar to a fasting person will have a reward like his, without that detracting from the reward of the fasting person in the slightest.”
(Narrated by al-Tirmidhi)
You get double the reward this way if you are fasting as well! Alhamdulillah, all praise is for Allah.
Let’s not deride ourselves during Ramadan for doing our basic duties as mothers. With the intention of pleasing Allah through them, we are getting rewarded by the Almighty! Subhan Allah, all glory is for Allah.
After all that, if we still wish to make the extra religious effort in remembering and asking of Allah for as much as we can during this month, then here are a few tips on how to capture the blessings of the last 10 days before it is gone for another year.
1. Find and set up a secluded corner in your home.
Equip it with the following:
- prayer mat,
- Quran, in Arabic and a translated copy
- journal to write in,
- list of duas, supplications – your personal written ones, the morning and evening adhkaar, phrases of remembrance of Allah, and a concise book of supplications from the Quran and Sunnah
- Here is an app you can use to recite these duas, supplications from:
- Tasbeeh, string of beads used for remembrance or you can use your fingers as well as per the Sunnah.
2. Retreat to this special place.
When there is an hour in your day where you have no distractions and can sit still for some time, then go to this special place. Try and see if you can take out an hour or two from each day to do this.
3. Make good use of this quite time.
Try to include the following in your daily routine.
- Perform your obligatory and/or extra prayers.
- Recite the Quran and read the translation and tafseer, exegesis.
- Use your journal to “write” to Allah about your worries, grievances, hopes, and wishes. Start with “Dear Allah,” if you wish. Then you can say what you wrote as a supplication to Him with your hands raised. Hopefully you will feel internally lightened after this exercise.
- Recite the adhkaar and make dhikr. Here is a primer: How to Do Dhikr – Life With Allah.
- Recite duas from the books listed above with genuine feeling, imploring Allah.
- Implore Allah with your personal written duas. I have made an extensive dua list with categories and use it every Ramadan and whenever duas are especially accepted (tahajjud prayer, between Asr and Maghrib on Fridays, etc.). You are not at a loss when you have time to make dua this way. Here are two links that you can use – The Ultimate Ramadan Dua List with categories from all aspects of your life – or you can use a guide to make your own dua list:
Last but not least, we mothers have a special position in the Eyes of Allah as our duas for our children are readily heard and granted by Him. Make dua for your child’s well-being, guidance, and success in this life and in the hereafter, and that He helps us raise them into His righteous servants. Here is a link of duas for children that can help you get started: Duas For Children’s Success, Protection, Behaviour, Obedience, Guidance, Good Health and Safety.
The best part about taking some time out like this every day in the last 10 days regularly is that it can count as itikaaf, isolation with the intention of solely dedicating your time to the worship of Allah. Though small, you can gain a similar experience as those who do this type of worship at the masjid, inshaAllah, God willing.
O Allah, help us conduct our motherly duties for His sake and accept all our efforts in worshipping you this Ramadan and thereafter! Ameen.
Sumayya Khan is a homeschooling mother of two and a teacher. She has worked with several Islamic schools and organizations in the last 10 years. She is currently teaching Literature online with Dawanet and studying the Qur’an through Al-Huda Institute. In her free time, she loves to spend time with her family and friends, play sports, enjoy nature, and read books. She currently resides with her family in Toronto, Canada.
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