An Assist for Busy Mothers during Ramadan

We all recognize the blessings of this month, its miracles and its rewards, Alhamdulilah. Yet it’s also important to recognize that for mothers working inside and outside of the home, the added activity and expectations can often feel more like a blur than a magical time of year. There is still time to rally and find support for busy mothers during Ramadan with a bit of insight, solid resources, and due diligence.

A good friend of mine and I have been chatting lately about “Ramadan brain fog.” It’s not a real diagnosis but a term we use to describe the very real feeling of mental overload and exhaustion. What was once routine dinner and bedtimes becomes late night iftars and even later nights at the masjid. Your workload and deadlines haven’t changed but with fasting, it takes more mental effort to keep your tasks in order. Even when you aren’t fasting, your children might be, so you’re still the first one up in the mornings to make sure everyone gets suhoor and the last one to go to bed after putting everyone else to sleep. Everyday mom life hasn’t stopped either so you’re still juggling the drop-offs, the schoolwork, the grocery orders, maintaining the house, and navigating your children’s Ramadan experience as well.

With so much to mentally and practically manage, your brain feels like it might actually explode. More often than not, you go to bed feeling drained and disappointed by another day of Ramadan being “lost”.

The question becomes: how do we give to Ramadan when we feel like we have so little left to give? Here are three simple reminders I like to give myself:

1. Call Upon Allah.

Dua is such a powerful tool, the “weapon of the believer,” the one tool we have that can change our Qadr or Divine destiny.

In Surah Al Baqarah, Allah says:

“...when My servants ask of Me I am near, I answer the call of the caller when he calls upon Me.”

(Surah Al Baqarah, 2:186)

When we turn to Allah, despite how exhausted or far away from Him we feel, He is close to us. Is that not the entire point of Ramadan to begin with? To get closer to Allah, to be more aware of Him and reliant upon Him?

In his book, Allah Loves, Shaikh Omar Suleiman says about dua,

“...that nearness of Allah is in itself, the biggest blessing that comes from our dua…If Allah allows us to make supplication then know that we are in a good place, that we are in a relationship with Allah…The ability to call upon Allah, knowing that He loves to hear me, despite how broken and sinful I am, in that there is a blessing.” (pg 25-26)

We are never too burdened to ask of Allah and our burdens are never too big for Allah to handle. Allah is the One who brought us to this point in our lives. He is aware of all that we are going through and He is the One who can help us to get through it with grace and gratitude.

So ask of Allah and do not hold back.

2. Be Intentional.

This reminder isn’t to belittle the needs of busy mothers nor to suggest an attitude of ingratitude. The reality of mental overload and the strain it causes for mothers working inside and outside of the home in our society is a serious issue that needs addressing on multiple levels, but this article is not about that.

This article is about how busy mothers can still get the most of our Ramadan despite the overload, inshaAllah. After calling on Allah, reminding ourselves of our intentions is the next step.

The Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

“Actions are according to intentions, and everyone will get what was intended...” 

(Bukhari and Muslim).

When you are at the service of your family, you are not doing it simply because you have to, but because you are obeying Allah by caring for what He has gifted you, Alhamdulilah. When you are showing kindness to your children, you are pleasing Allah, Alhamdulilah. When you are applying your skills and passions at work to bring ease, knowledge, or benefit to others, you are doing something that pleases Allah, Alhamdulilah.

So many things that moms do every single day are truly beneficial things that can earn reward by just remembering our purpose, expressing gratitude to Allah for the opportunity, and dedicating our actions for His sake.

“It’s not through your abilities that you accomplish anything. It’s through your sincerity to God, your principles, and your genuine compassion for others that ordinary things about you transform into something extraordinary.” 

Asmaa Hussein, author and public speaker

3. Small is Strong.

This reminder is one of my favorites and you’ve probably heard it many times before. Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said,

“Take up good deeds only as much as you are able, for the best deeds are those done regularly even if they are few.”

(Sunan Ibn Majah 4240)

Mom guilt kicks in when we compare ourselves to the seemingly “big” things we see other people doing in Ramadan. But it’s the small, often overlooked, deeds that can reap us tons of reward, especially in Ramadan when rewards are multiplied! All we need is consistency.

Your Small Deeds Challenge

This is a great area where every mom can apply their unique personalities and interests. Here are three easy steps to incorporate a small good deed into your daily schedule:

1. Choose a small deed that you enjoy and is easy for you to maintain. If you like dhikr or remembering Allah, maybe it's a nightly remembrance. If you enjoy giving sadaqah or charity, maybe you put spare change in a jar every day and when it’s full you drop it into the sadaqah box at the masjid. If you enjoy audio learning, maybe you can dedicate part of your daily commute to learning more about Islam through podcasts and lectures. 
2. Pick a time each day when you can do your good deed. Remember the goal is consistency, so try to make the timing easy for you. Sometimes it helps to attach your deed to a consistent task you’re already doing, a practice called habit stacking. For example, if you choose a daily remembrance, maybe you choose to say that remembrance every morning as soon as you finish getting dressed. 
3. Finally, start doing your deeds. InshaAllah over time and as you get more consistent you will see a change in your feelings of overwhelm as you realize that even with the busy, working mom life, there are plenty of ways to earn Allah’s mercy and rewards, Alhamdulilah. 

May Allah accept all of your good deeds, efforts, and intentions this Ramadan. Ameen.

Melissa Barreto is a home educating mother of five children and the Co-Founder of Wildflower Homeschool Collective, a homeschool organization based in Northern New Jersey.