When we desire to have a baby, we are in fact desiring to be the vehicles that will convey a soul into the world in which we live. I cannot imagine a more ambitious, powerful and spiritual decision. The decision to attempt to bring life into the world! Humans have been having babies since our beloved mother and father, Hawa and Adam (may Allah’s mercy be upon them) and yet, it remains unique for each individual.
From the moment we pray to become parents or happily stumble into pregnancy without even planning for it, our jobs as shepherds begin. If we are thoughtful, we prepare ourselves spiritually, mentally and physically to approach pregnancy as best as we can.
Quite often couples seek out pregnancy without forethought or knowledge of what it really means to be pregnant. While we often fantasize about baby toes, coos and kisses, we sometimes forget to focus on preparing for the actual pregnancy. Pregnancy is both predictable and unpredictable, but time, experience and science have proven that how we go into it can have a huge impact on pregnancy, delivery and postpartum experiences. Let’s talk about it.
Know your Health Status
What’s your average blood pressure? Your hemoglobin A1C (an indicator for diabetes)? How about your BMI (body mass index)? When you are prepping for pregnancy it is important for both partners to know their health stats. Hopefully, you are both up-to-date on your annual exam, but if you are not, it’s time to go. Medical conditions that can impact a couple’s fertility can be detected during your appointment or through lab work. Perhaps there is hypertension, diabetes or thyroid disease lurking around. All of those conditions can reduce your chance for pregnancy or impact the health of a pregnancy.
If you have any medical diagnosis, make sure to have a full discussion with your provider about the potential impact your condition or medications you are taking could have on fertility or pregnancy.
Know your Family Tree
DNA passes on the family code that gives you green eyes, black hair and dimples. It can also pass on a higher risk for birth defects such as Down’s Syndrome or cystic fibrosis. Talk to your grandmothers, parents, uncles and siblings, and ask them if there is any history of birth defects in the family. Make sure to share what you learned with your healthcare provider.
Choose Your Provider Wisely
Depending on where you live you may have the option to choose what type of medical provider will partner with you to monitor your pregnancy, manage delivery and your postpartum care. Perinatal care providers include midwives, nurse practitioners, physician assistants, family practice physicians, and, of course, OB/Gyns (obstetrician/gynecologists). Different factors may influence your choice of provider including availability, insurance requirements, and your health and risk factors.
It is important to do your research and know what your goals are when seeking out a provider. Studies have shown that the most important factor in pregnancy outcomes is the choice of provider and delivery location. Healthy women who require less intervention may do better with a Midwife at home, at a birth center or in a hospital. While higher risk women with complicated medical conditions would be better served by an Ob/Gyn. Some practices have a mixture of OB/Gyns, physician assistants, nurse practitioners, and midwives. This allows you to experience the different types of care each specialist may provide and benefit from their differing skills and knowledge.
If there is one thing you should be very particular about when approaching a pregnancy, this is it. Make sure to know who you are partnering with and if they are the best provider or practice to help you have a satisfying and safe pregnancy, delivery and postpartum experience.
Get your Pap Smear
It is quite common for women to feel anxiety, fear or embarrassment when it comes to having their annual well-woman exam with their midwife, nurse practitioner or gynecologist. The gyn exam can make a person feel vulnerable and exposed. However, it is an important part of preparing for a healthy pregnancy. A physical exam can reveal potential issues with fertility, pregnancy and even nursing. Your provider can discuss, in depth, implications of certain conditions on pregnancy and partner with you to make a plan for a healthy experience.
Get on the Scale
Did you know that being obese, which in the United States is considered as having a BMI of 30 and above, increases your risk for gestational diabetes, pregnancy-induced hypertension and cesarean delivery? While it shouldn’t discourage you from attempting pregnancy, it is good to be aware of the challenge and make a plan for it.
Being underweight, which in the U.S. is considered having a BMI of under 18.5, can also negatively impact a pregnancy. It can increase the risk for poor fetal growth, premature birth, cesarean delivery, anemia and hemorrhage with delivery.
You can determine your BMI by using a calculator such as the CDC BMI calculator online. You can find that here: CDC BMI Calculator.
You (and your Baby) Are What You Eat
That old saying is a great one to consider when prepping for pregnancy. I like for my patients to consider that whatever they digest they are passing to their baby. If you are struggling to eat a healthy diet, think if my baby just started eating food, would I offer this to her? If the answer is no, don’t eat it or at least don’t eat it most of the time. Adopting good eating habits can take some time, so if you struggle with it, use your motivation to have a child as a springboard toward eating a well-balanced diet. Ideas on what makes a good diet can vary by culture, and that is okay. You can visit for more guidance.
A Word about Vitamins
The best way to get the nutrition, vitamins and minerals you need is through eating a well balanced nutritious diet filled with a variety of vegetables, protein sources, fatty acids and complex carbohydrates. If you eat well, then you may not need to take a prenatal vitamin. However, it is recommended that you take a prenatal vitamin if you have deficiencies in your diet, lack access to a variety of healthy food choices or have a known deficiency. Many women are prescribed prenatal vitamins once a pregnancy is detected, however, they can make some women nauseous. Don’t be afraid to try different types if one brand doesn’t sit well with you.
A special note about folic acid: Most prenatal vitamins have folic acid, however, if you choose not to start a prenatal vitamin, be sure to start taking folic acid at least three months prior to trying for a pregnancy. Folic acid can help to reduce the risk for spina bifida in babies. Be sure to ask your provider how much you should take, it may vary based on your health history or your family’s health history.
Keep Up Good Habits or Adopt Some
If you have a good exercise routine, keep it up. Both budding moms and dads should think of prepping for pregnancy like training for a 5K. The healthier you are physically, the more you may be able to cope with the physical challenges pregnancy can present. While pregnancy is beautiful, it can be uncomfortable and a physical test. According to The American College of Nurse Midwives, exercising in pregnancy helps to reduce back pain, control weight gain, and prepare the body for labor. The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists also promotes that exercise eases constipation, reduces the risk of diabetes and hypertension during pregnancy, and decreases the chances of cesarean delivery. A good exercise routine can also be a good outlet and support for your mental health.
Whatever type of exercise you choose, make sure to choose routines that incorporate stretching, deep breathing, and mindfulness. These types of exercises can make it easier to tap into body positions and breathing patterns that are supportive for reducing tension and stress during labor.
Exercising does not increase the risk of miscarriage or preterm delivery, however, always consult your health care provider regarding your routine or if you want to start a new one.
Know Thyself
This world can be pretty stressful and we are all trying to currently get through a pandemic. According to the Kaiser Family Foundation, about 4 in 10 adults in the U.S. have reported symptoms of anxiety or depression, which is up from 1 in 10 from 2019. Many of us may deal with anxiety and depression without having proper support and treatment. It is ok to reach out to a therapist if most of your day is full of feeling anxious, nervous, worried, sad, tearful or depressed. This is for both potential mothers and fathers. Of course, lean on Allah through patience, prayer, dhikr and reading Quran and benefit from the resources available to you.
Unmanaged anxiety or depression can deepen under the influence of pregnancy hormones and the challenges that pregnancy and delivery can bring on both parents. According to Harvard Medical School, untreated anxiety can increase the risk for preterm labor and birth, low birthweight, and a smaller head circumference (which is related to brain size). Having these feelings are not an indication of being a bad Muslim. Facing these feelings is a sign of maturity and honesty. Both are needed for good parenting. If you are feeling anxious or depressed, please share this with your providers before, during, and after pregnancy.
Keep your Eye on the Moon
Ok, many of us don’t watch the moon any longer to know the month and the date, our phones tell us that. However, the menstrual cycle of a woman is on average a monthly cycle. It is important to know your cycle to help determine times of fertility. There are many great apps that can help you do this. If you are struggling with getting pregnant, try an app. It should tell you when you are more likely to get pregnant. A woman’s body may also give other signals of fertility. Taking Charge of Your Fertility: The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement, and Reproductive Health by Toni Weschler, can be a great resource if you have questions about how your body works.
Get Familiar with the Stats
For the majority of us, when we think of pregnancy, we think of the happy conclusion of having a baby to hold, nurture, and love. As humans, we have been largely successful in procreating. However, pregnancies don’t always end with healthy, living babies, by Allah’s will. Understanding that miscarriage and fetal demise do occur can be healthy for your mindset toward pregnancy. Just don’t allow the following facts to become a stressor:
- 10% of all known pregnancies may end in miscarriage.
- 80% of miscarriages that do occur happen in the first 13 weeks of pregnancy.
- Being 35 or older increases the risk for miscarriage.
- Fetal demise after 20 weeks only occurs in about 1% of all pregnancies.
- Most women who miscarry go on to have healthy pregnancies in the future.
Unfortunately, women may feel ashamed when they miscarry. They may feel that it is their fault and try to figure out what they did to cause the miscarriage. It is not your fault. While it is not known what causes every miscarriage, it is understood that about half of all miscarriages are due to an embryo getting the wrong number of chromosomes. Meaning the baby doesn’t begin to develop well to be healthy and whole if it were to continue. In these cases the body does not continue with the pregnancy and it is no one’s fault.
The desire to bring a child into the world, is a desire born of love, faith and hope. Whenever we desire to carry a child in our womb, bear it and birth it, we are testifying that we believe that we can unselfishly love another being, that we believe that there is good in the world that we are inviting the child into, and that this child will be a part and have a part of the goodness out there. If you are reading this article and either dreaming of making the commitment to the journey of parenthood or are already on the path, I hope that whether you prepared for it or not, it is all that you want it to be. Happy prepping!
Recommended Reading
For Prepping and Pregnancy:
Taking Charge of Your Fertility: The Definitive Guide to Natural Birth Control, Pregnancy Achievement, and Reproductive Health by Toni Weschler
The Girlfriends' Guide to Pregnancy by Vicki Iovine
What To Expect When You're Expecting by Heidi Murkoff, Arlene Eisenberg & Sandee Hathaway
For Childbirth and Beyond:
Hypnobirthing: A Natural Approach To A Safe, Easier, More Comfortable Birthing by Marie Mongan
Mindful Birthing: Training the Mind, Body, and Heart for Childbirth and Beyond by Nancy Bardacke, Donna Postel, et al.
The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding by La Leche League International
References
American College of Nurse Midwives. (2009). Taking good care of yourself while you are pregnant. Journal of Midwifery & Women's Health, 54(6), 515-516. doi:10.1016/j.jmwh.2009.08.019
American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology. (2019). Exercise during pregnancy. Collier, S. (2021). How can you manage anxiety during pregnancy? Retrieved from
The implications of COVID-19 for mental health and substance use;2020 SRI R5710-273.30137. (2020). (). Retrieved from
Melissa Fleming is a Muslim wife, mother of four, daughter, sister and auntie. She is a Nurse-Midwife and Lactation Consultant in Maryland and has had the pleasure of attending to women and their babies in both birth center and hospital settings. She is a founding board member and Health Services Director for Faith Families of African-Descent Meeting for Marriage & Parenting Support (FFAMM, INC.), a service organization focused on helping Africans of the diaspora connect with the African continent through travel and service. She has been working on increasing maternal/child and women’s health care in The Gambia through this collaboration. You can learn more about this project here: FFAMM Projects. Melissa is active in her local community with service and youth groups.
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