How to Help Your Child Overcome Their Fears

Fear is one of the many emotions needed to live a healthy life. Fear lets us know when something is a threat and keeps us safe. It is an emotion that sticks with anyone, young or old and is vital to our survival. Like any emotion, fear is necessary for the healthy development of a child.

Fears Associated with Various Ages

Fear and anxiety are very normal in everyone’s life, and can vary depending on your child’s age. Children may fear the dark, monsters, or even something silly like a certain food. As a parent, seeing your child be afraid of things can worry you. Think of a toddler being afraid of a monster in the closet and a teenager fearing social interaction. They fear very different things, and knowing how these emotions can affect your child and how to help them deal with it is important.

For Babies

When a baby is born, their range of emotions is not fully there. When they are satisfied, they smile, and when they are not, they cry. For an infant, it takes a few months for emotions to develop. When a baby is around six to eight months old, they start to feel a variety of negative emotions. These include sadness, anger, and fear.

For an infant, they fear strangers and being away from their parents. This is why they may cry when in the arms of someone new, or when you leave the room.

To help your baby overcome this fear:

• Slowly introduce your baby to the stranger. Let them know that you are comfortable, which then makes them comfortable. Do not rush it, as this can cause discomfort with your infant.
• Do not leave your baby alone for too long. Even if you are gone for a few minutes, separation can cause anxiety in your child. Instead, try to take them with you. And if not, tell them that you will be gone, and then announce your return. This will comfort your baby, even though they may not understand you. 

For Toddlers, Ages 2- to 3-years-old

Toddlers, like babies, fear being away from their parents. When being separated for a long time, they will get uncomfortable. They might throw a tantrum when you leave them at daycare or preschool. Toddlers also have a limited understanding of size and scale, and they might fear things like falling down the toilet or the drain (these can be linked to potty training).

Here is how to help your toddler overcome their fear:

• Reassure them. For a toddler, reassurance is very important. Let them know that there is nothing to be afraid of.
• Explain things that they do not understand. Toddlers will fear things that they do not understand. Explain to them how things work.
• Comfort your child. Simple statements like “it is okay,” or “I am here” can go a long way. If your child is in a state of fear, this can help calm them down. 

For Children, Ages 6- to 12-years-old

For Elementary school-aged children, their fears are very different. Kids around this age have a big imagination, and sometimes they can not recognize when something is real or not. This means that they may be scared of monsters in the closet or in the bed. Learning about something new and different may scare kids of this age group. These things can include death, their parents separating, or even someone breaking into the house. Fears like these may not always be a realistic concern, but they may still fear it anyway.

As an elementary school-aged child, I would often fear the military breaking into my home. I watched a news report about the army and this is likely what caused my fear. Of course, this is ridiculous. Chances are, the military will not break into my house. As a child, I still feared this for some time. With younger children, fears can be caused by something they see or read.

Here is how to help your elementary school-aged child overcome their fear:

• Acknowledge their fears. The first step to help your child deal with fear is to acknowledge their feelings. For you, their fears can seem absurd and foolish. A monster in the closet or under the bed is not real, but for them it is. It is important to realize this and let them know that you take their feelings seriously. Let them explain their fears to you, and listen to them.
• Find a way to help that fits with them. No child is the same. A method that works with someone else may not work for your child. Find a way to help that matches their needs and personality.
• Talk to them. Talking to your child about their fears can help them overcome them. Maybe their fears are caused by something specific and easy to resolve. It is important to maintain that communication, as it will let you understand where your kid is coming from. 
• Limit media use. Online browsing, even if it is for kids' videos, can lead to scary images that can terrify kids around this age. Make sure that they are not exposed to inappropriate content.

Special Mention – Fear of the Dark

One of the most common fears for elementary school-aged children is fear of the dark. Children around this age can be afraid of what they cannot see. Thinking scary thoughts are magnified during the dark, even if it does not scare them during the day.

Here is how you can help your child deal with a fear of the dark:

• Get a night light. Getting a night light for their room is an easy way to help them get accustomed to the dark. Sometimes when it is dark in a room you may see shapes and shadows that resemble strange things. Having a night light lets your child understand what they are looking at, and avoids scares at night.
• Comfort items. Items like a special blanket or a stuffed animal can help your child feel more comfortable and relaxed. 
• Limit scary stories. Avoid scary topics before bedtime. This includes watching a scary movie or reading a not-so-happy book. Instead, tell happy stories that will comfort your child. 
• Communication. Communication will always be an effective strategy to help your child overcome their fears. Talking to your kid about what exactly scares them about the dark will help you understand their fear better.
• Let them confront their fear head-on. Confronting a fear is a great way to overcome it. However, do not force your child into this. Take it slow. Provide emotional support and praise if they make progress, even if it is something small. This will encourage them to keep trying to overcome their fear.

For Teenage Children

When your child reaches the teen years, their fears will be different. A few years ago, they might have been afraid of the boogeyman, but now they will be afraid of social things. Teenagers value their relationships, whether it be family or friends. They might be afraid of losing friendships or family members. They may be scared of not fitting in and being judged. They could also worry about their appearance or school-related issues like getting a low grade. For teenagers, these things are a big concern, and will be one of the biggest causes of their worries.

Here is how you can help your teen with social fears:

• Communicate. Figure out why exactly they have this fear. It could be from a bad experience. Or maybe they are just shy. In any case, it is helpful to know why.
• Encourage them to participate in social events. Your teen may be scared to socialize and get to know people. However, maintaining good relationships is healthy for a person. Encourage them to go out and meet new people. Try to find something that works for them, like a school club or community activity revolving around their interests. 
• Build self-esteem. Low self-esteem can cause social anxiety. This can cause a fear of being judged. Let your teen know that they are enough. Encourage them to stay healthy and active, as these things can increase self-esteem.
• Limit social media use. Excessive social media usage can cause social anxiety. Interacting with people online differs greatly from real life. It is important to find a balance between these two.

Here is how you can help your child with school-related fears like low grades or failing classes:

• Help them create a schedule. Schedules are an amazing tool to help anyone stay on track. For teenagers who are in school, a schedule can help them organize their assignments and remember when each one is due.
• Remind them of their responsibilities. Teenagers have a lot on their minds. Some kids will procrastinate while others may not. Do not let them fall behind. Remind your teen that they have an assignment to turn in, and encourage them to complete it in time.
• Provide reassurance. Tell your teen that there is nothing to worry about and that you believe in them. Simple statements like this can increase their confidence. 

Fear is a crucial emotion for all of us. It naturally helps us recognize and deal with threats. You may notice your child being afraid of things that may seem unnatural. It is essential to keep an eye on what is bothering your child and help them deal with it in the best way possible. Some children deal with fears differently, so as a parent, you should find a way to help your child in the best way for them. With your help, your child’s fears will go away over time. Exposing them to their fears can be stressful, so increase their confidence with positive reinforcement. This will help your child to be open to these activities in the future. By recognizing your child’s fears and listening to their concerns, you can discover effective ways to help them overcome these feelings. With parental guidance, children can learn to manage their emotions, paving the way for a healthier life.

When to Seek Additional Help

If your child’s fears persist over time and prevent them from participating in ordinary activities, it might be a sign of anxiety disorder. Anxiety disorders are not permanent and can be treated over time. Consult a doctor if your child shows symptoms like these:

• Their fears last longer than normal. Most fears go away over time. If they do not go away even with your help, consult a doctor.
• Your child’s fears are causing physical symptoms like dizziness, headaches, and stomachaches.
• Your child’s fears are impacting their mood.
• Your child refuses to go to school or spend time apart from you. 

Additional Reading:

Anxiety and fear in children - Better Health Channel 

Childhood Fears and Worries (for Parents) | Nemours KidsHealth 

Uthman Guadalupe is a Latino Muslim college student with a passion for history and art. He is an assistant Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu coach and freelance illustrator. He is fluent in Spanish and lives with his family in Maryland where he also enjoys playing video games and binging shows.