I wish you understood

I Wish You Understood

I don't want to lie to you anymore,

I don't want to pretend that everything is all right,

Because it's not.

I have always tried to do as you ask,

But I realize now that what you expect:

Is unrealistic.

Is unachievable.

I know,

I have tried.

I have tried to be what you want,

And what you desire.

I gave up my own wants and dreams

To see if that would make things easier.

It only made things worse

I know I don't meet the stereotypical ?perfect? daughter.

I know that I don't act how you deem ?suitable.?

I can blame:

My environment,

My heritage

My culture

My conflicting ideals.

But in the end,

I know that

I can only blame myself.

I have a mind of my own,

I have a desire to excel

I can't change who I am

I want to be successful

And happy

And appreciated

I want to do it on my own terms

I want to be allowed to develop on my own

You fear what I may become,

But you have instilled in me a strong Islamic foundation

I know who I am

I won't betray myself

I won't!

But I have to be given that chance-

I need to be given the opportunity to fail

I need to know my own strength

I wish you could understand

Sometimes you are the hardest people to talk to

Even when I have done nothing wrong

In your eyes I have failed

I have never heard you say that you are proud

Never?Never

Yet you are always there so willing to offer criticism

So ready to point out my mistakes

I have never spoken back to you

I never will

It is not a question of love

Rather a question of understanding

I tell you about my day

Tears streaming down my cheek

You don?t understand why I'm hurt

You don't really try

You never have

I can't tell you anything

You pass judgment against me

My friends

My feelings

I hurts

I have no escape

I cry my self to sleep

I rehearse what I will say to you:

I never do

I know I never will

You have established a wall between us

I have helped build that wall

But, I want it to come down

It is time for it to be destroyed

And that is where the conflict lies

I want you to be able to share in my happiness

I want you to be a big part of my life,

But each day we grow apart

I did what you wanted and I stayed home tonight

You didn't notice

You didn't say thank you

You found something else to criticize me about

You placed another stone in the wall that divides us

You failed to see that I love you

I LOVE YOU and that is why it hurts so bad

I feel like I must keep it all inside

And it frightens me to think that I cannot come to you

I pray everyday, "Ya Allah, help us to understand each other"

I have never doubted your love for me

                Never

I know that you want to protect me

                Thank you

I know that you want the best for me

I know that

Believe me I know that

And that is why I wish you did too.