As the auspicious and blessed month of Ramadan draws closer, most of us make an effort to finish up pending tasks and clear the backlog so we are able to focus single mindedly on our ibadah or worship, during this blessed month.
Joining in the spirit of Ramadan can be exciting for parents with older kids because it serves as a great learning opportunity for the entire family, however for the newer parents, particularly new mothers, it can pose a series of challenges and require extra motivation to feel the spirit of the month. This applies particularly to mothers who are either pregnant, experiencing postpartum bleeding or breastfeeding. As under such conditions, a woman is unable to fast or even pray, she feels a major sense of missing out. Not to forget, for a new mother, this phase is already physically and emotionally very strenuous as she is still trying to adjust to meet the demands of a tiny human who is solely dependent on her and at the same time also keep a check on her own health.
So, what is it that new mothers can do to make the most of this Holy month?
Tips and Advice for New Mothers
Our religion is not only very comprehensive but also very practical. It is for this purpose that Allah has given priority or what we may see as an extra privilege to new mothers who are unable to carry out obligatory rituals such as fasting and prayers or other forms of worship such as reciting the Quran during this month, owing to their medical condition. Subhan Allah, all praise be to Allah, that just proves how much Allah loves us and cares for us when we need it the most!
Given that, there are still a variety of opportunities that new mothers can seek to participate in, while tending to their own health and that of their young infant, during this blessed month, In Shaa Allah.
Here are some tips and some advice to help you navigate through your first Ramadan together, with your precious one.
1. Have faith.
The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
"Actions are through intentions"
(Al Bukhari & Muslim)
By changing one's perspective and adjusting the niyah or intentions, one can gain the many benefits that are tied with worship during this sacred month of Ramadan.
Pregnant mothers, mothers who are nursing or those with infants under their care, who are unable to fast or devote much time towards rituals such as recitation of the Quran, can still please Allah and earn manifold reward by making clear and neat intentions whilst carrying on with routine tasks and childcare responsibilities. Allah has bestowed you with this amanah or trust of taking care of your child because He sees you worthy of doing your best for His sake. When we change the way we think, it helps to turn every day tasks into acts of worship and this way we are able to gain rewards for these blessings.
TIP: Turn to Allah and connect with him in any and every way ou can. Make dhikr and duaa whilst you feed, bathe, change or put your child to sleep. Listen to the Quran if you are unable to recite it. This will prove to be beneficial for you as well as your child (whether a newborn or unborn) in addition to helping you stay connected to the words of Allah. You may also choose to listen to some lectures whilst putting your baby to sleep (keep your earplugs handy for that).
InshaAllah, our Lord is The All-Knowing and The Most Merciful. Just keep your faith strong and renew your intentions every day. This will help you have a sense of purpose and clarity in carrying out even mundane day to day tasks, for the sake of Allah and turn them into acts of worship.
2. Establish your priorities.
Having to juggle your way through maintaining a routine for yourself can be very stressful. Especially with a newborn. Everything just automatically seems to be more about them rather than you - their meal times, their nap times, their playtimes, etc. In Ramadan, all of this can be significantly hard to manage, more so when you are trying to look for opportunities to do some extra ibadah or worship.
In such instances, the best way to manage your time is by way of prioritizing. Prioritize your own health and that of your child, for that is the first step to ensure that you are in a healthy state of mind and fit to devote time to worship. Next, you need to prioritize which tasks are absolutely essential and require your time and attention, and which ones can be skipped or delegated.
Tip: Gather all the help and support that you can. Get your husband or other family members or friends to pitch in whatever way they can. If someone offers to help, use it to your advantage. You and your husband can share the responsibility of tending to the baby; then dedicate specific times to recite the Quran or engage in any solo acts of worship. Work out a plan to fit your Ramadan schedule, which best suits you and your family.
3. Redefine ME TIME.
We all deserve a break from our daily hectic schedules, once in a while. The concept of “ME Time,” clearly serves the purpose of letting one be present with themselves, their mind, and their body. It is absolutely vital, too, to break the monotony of the day and its events.
Under the normal course of a day, “ME Time” typically includes spending time on a device/gadget scrolling through social media apps. Or for some, it could be going out for a walk, exercising or engaging in any other activity which is of interest and helps you unwind.
For men, it is generally easier to take time out for themselves because they are already more likely to be out of the house alone. A stay-at-home mother can have a harder time making the time for herself, but it is not impossible. Fathers can play a supportive role in helping their wives unwind and make some “ME Time” of their own. This is especially important during Ramadan where this special time can be utilized to engage in acts of worship such as reciting the Quran, listening to informative lectures, making dhikr, etc.
Tip: Engage in a conversation with your husband about how you would like to make use of your precious time this Ramadan. Remind them how this Ramadan will be different from all the others that you have experienced in the past. Having that conversation will help you both understand the importance of working together as a team to manage your time around your family commitments and child care responsibilities. You can then attempt to set a schedule to allocate specific times of the day to read/listen to the Quran, learn something related to the deen, listen to lectures, offer extra nafl prayers (if you are praying), etc.
4. Do not over-exert yourself.
Being a new parent is challenging. It requires a lot of patience and stamina. Newer mothers often tend to over-exert themselves in the process of making it all happen, only to discover later that there are physical and emotional consequences for doing so. As a parent, it is important to look after your own health and energy levels before you can care for your child.
Also, some new moms spend hours trying to put their little ones to bed first so they can reserve some time for dikhr and worship in isolation. Although it definitely helps set the mood, children are unpredictable and, if they wake up soon after you have spent a fortune of time, then it can get really frustrating and create even more stress..
Tip: During Ramadan, it might help to nap when your baby naps so you are not flagging your energy halfway through the day. You can then choose to recite the Quran or offer extra nafl prayers, if you can, when your baby is fully fed and satisfied.
Also, it may be a good idea to have your baby fall asleep whilst listening to the recitation of the Quran. You can choose to play the audio or recite the Quran yourself for them. You can also set targets for yourself to learn a new surah from the Quran by using these moments to listen to the same surah over and over again.
Secondly, since babies are unpredictable and you may have a hard time putting them to bed, just follow their routine and be at ease. Listen to some Quranic lectures or do Tasbeeh (Dhikr) while they keep you running up and about.
5. Plan ahead.
Although this may initially seem next to impossible, once you get a heads up on things and are able to get things done in advance, you will feel like a queen.
This is especially important when it comes to cooking. Batch cooking and make-ahead recipes can save a great deal of time and effort when it comes to prepping for suhoor or the pre-dawn meal and iftar or the breaking of fast. Moreover, if you are not fasting and still have to cater for the rest of the family, then it makes more sense to cook ahead of time and use the special hours like Tahajjud or just before the breaking of the fast at dawn, to engage in dikhr and make lots of duaas.
Tip: Use the weekends to plan ahead of time, and get the support that you need from your husband, family members or friends. If you are nursing, you can also express milk and store it for your own convenience for when you might need it.
6. Keep your mind occupied with Dhikr.
Whether you are tending to the baby or busy with other tasks around the house, dhikr or the remembrance of Allah is one thing that does not require any conditions to be met. There are several adhkar or ways of remembering Allah which are light on the tongue and heavier in weight. By constantly engaging in dhikr, new mothers can reap the rewards of this blessed month, as for every good deed the reward is multiplied 70 times and Allah is The All Knowing.
The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said,
“There are two words which are dear to the Most Merciful, that are and very light on the tongue (to say), but very heavy on the scales. They are: ”SubhānAllāh wa bihamdihi” and ”SubhānAllāh al-ʿAdhīm.“
(Bukhari)
Tip: Make or print a list of daily adhkar or duaas. You can then put it up in a common place which will help you remember to recite them every now and then. You can also make a daily checklist to help you stay on track.
7. Pray for yourself and your child.
Ramadan is surely the best time to make lots of duaas. Why not utilize the precious hours of these days and nights to make lots of duaas for yourself and your family and ask for the best of both worlds, i.e. the world and the Hereafter.
For any new parent, being able to focus on their ibadah while tending to the responsibilities and care of their young child can be particularly challenging. This is also the reason why it can be so demotivating for them to experience Ramadan unlike ever before. But when we learn to alter our perspective and consider raising our children for the sake of Allah, it becomes an act of worship in itself and helps us carry on with greater zeal.
Tip: When you wake up in the middle of the night to feed/change your baby, make duaa for them and yourself. If you are pregnant and find yourself unable to fall asleep at night, utilize that time to converse with Allah and make lots of duaas for your unborn child and their future. Call on Allah with His most beautiful names, ask for His divine mercy and blessings during this blessed month.
8. Be thankful.
Part of being grateful for what you experience, comes from the acceptance of it through the will of Allah.
It is common for new parents and especially mothers to feel overwhelmed with new responsibilities, upended routines, and even physical fatigue and postpartum blues. We must not forget that this responsibility has been entrusted upon us by Allah, and the reward for fulfilling it will also be given by him, InshaAllah. That said, we must welcome Ramadan whole-heartedly and see it as a means of reaping bountiful rewards by fulfilling our duties toward those under our care in the best possible manner.
Tip: Once again, remember that taking care of others and fulfilling our rights and duties towards others is also a form of worship. By expressing gratitude for such opportunities and fulfilling these obligations, you become closer and dearer to Allah and His creations.
The Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
“For every tree, there is a fruit and the fruit of the heart is a child.”
(Kanzul Ummal)
May Allah SWT reward you for all of your efforts to reap the fruits of this blessed month. Ameen.
Umm Ahmed is an early childhood educator and mother of three boys. Always on the quest to learn, she is passionate about seeking knowledge and passing it on to others. A writer in the making, she draws inspiration through deep conversations, laws of nature, and her own children. She and her family are currently living in Abu Dhabi, UAE.
Add new comment