Marry the Single Ones

The Muslim community in north America has too many single Muslims. This circumstance is heightened by three realities that negatively impact the Muslim marriage market.  

First, the efforts on the local and national level have been either non-existent or unsuccessful when it comes to affording opportunities for single Muslims to find spouses. In addition, many communities follow extreme gender distancing so that single Muslims do not even know who is available within their community.  Lastly, even though the Muslim community in North America is very diverse, at this time of history and practice, there is not a collective ‘single brotherhood’ psyche that extends past Dawa and Khutba platitudes to include or encourage marriage outside culture, ethnicity or nationality, which naturally reduces the number of available spouses.

Currently, the community places the onus of finding a partner solely on the shoulders of the single. However, as a community there is so much more that we can do.  

First, we need to establish and encourage a climate of marriage within our local Masjid/Islamic center. We need to be deliberate in creating opportunities for marriage for all single people. We need to recognize that the single amongst us are not just our children, but all the middle aged, divorced and widowed Muslims. Here are some suggestions: 

• Monthly Khutbah 

Imams can devote time to remind Muslims of the importance of marriage and that the single ones should seek marriage. 

Marry off the singles among you, as well as the righteous of your bondmen and bondwomen. If they are poor, Allah will enrich them out of His bounty. For Allah is All-Bountiful, All-Knowing
(Quran 24:32)

• Marriage Committee Or Matchmaker 

• Create and maintain a local database of available Muslims. This is an expansion of the ‘marriage services’ offered which typically only include Nikah and counseling. In this instance, the purpose is expanded to introducing single Muslims to each other so there can be a Nikah.

• “Seeking A Spouse” Event 

• Sponsor a mini conference or seminar that brings single people together to meet and learn about marriage. Very few local Islamic centers or Masjids sponsor or have ever sponsored an opportunity for Muslims seeking a spouse to find each other. Single Muslims need to know that there are potential spouses in their area.

• Getting Married Taleems 
  
  Teach parents, community members, and single Muslims to stop putting up so many obstacles to marriage.  

  • Address why the explicit racism and nationalism that holds most of the Muslim community hostage is wrong.  
  • Teach Muslims that we are to treat and acknowledge each other’s distinctiveness with respect and honor as ordained by Allah, The Most High in Quran 49:13).
  • Discuss the importance of Muslim men marrying Muslim women instead of seeking non-Muslim spouses and leaving an overabundance of unmarried Muslim women.
  • Do not marry idolatresses unless they believe; a believing woman is better than an idolatress, even if you like her.
  • Remind parents that having double standards within the home or focusing on education or potential income does not facilitate marriage.
  • Encourage Muslims to be open to recommendations from others instead of embracing the idea that an arrangement is intrusive or old-fashioned.
     

• Networks 

• Be intentional. Single Muslims are all around us as family, friends, acquaintances, co-workers, coaches, teammates, volunteers, babysitters, tutors, gardeners and more. Collectively, we can assist with finding potential mates for single Muslims by simply caring enough to remember who is single amongst us.  We are reminded that the Prophet Muhammad, God’s peace and blessings be upon us, taught us "None of you (truly) believes until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself" (Bukhari)
   

• Support 

• Often, local Masjids have activities that are geared to men or young families, which typically exclude or don’t meet the needs of single Muslims, teens, or even the elderly. Single Muslims need to feel supported and included. Without that, they may feel isolated, frustrated, lonely, disillusioned, depressed or even angry. This can lead to completely giving up on marriage or embracing secretive behavior that is unIslamic. The mores of the community should not sanction people who choose to never marry because that does not follow the life example of the Prophet.
   

• Scrutinize the Wali 

• Some communities have men who volunteer to serve as a Wali, or representatives, for women without Muslim male family members, especially new converts. The Wali should understand the seriousness of his role and work toward securing a well-fitted match by checking out the character and experiences of a potential mate. A Wali who accepts just anyone who inquires about a Muslimah, or a Wali who summarily rejects potential mates without cause is doing a disservice. 

• Professional Counseling 

• 
  Even if a Masjid or Islamic center does not have counseling or psychology professionals in their ranks, they can partner with mental health agencies in the area. A single Muslim who has mental barriers to marriage or who has experienced negative attempts cannot be expected to overcome these issues alone. Sometimes professional help is needed and the local Masjid or Islamic center can suggest or help guide the recipient to needed services. 

• Don’t Harbor 

• Some local communities struggle with membership and seek to hold on to members at all costs. A culture of silence, even when it is known that a person has a proven history of taking advantage of a potential spouse, doesn’t follow through with marriage, leaves others financially compromised or other exploitation is an injustice to all single Muslims. We should love our fellow Muslim enough to encourage them towards the best of behavior and love our fellow Muslims enough to protect them from potentially negative situations.

• Make Dua For Each Other 

Allah listens to all those who call upon Him.  es, the single Muslims can pray for a spouse, but we can all collectively pray that Allah sends a spouse to them as well.