My youngest child just passed her first birthday. She is being breastfed in a manner similar to how I fed her older siblings, Alhamdulilah. But she still doesn’t sleep through the night. Looking back, not a single one of my five children slept through the night before they were fully weaned. I know for some this may sound like a nightmare, but for our family, it’s been the norm. Night waking is actually the physiological norm for many children, especially breastfed ones, but common myths surrounding infant sleep and breastfeeding in general, can plague mothers with doubt and worry.
Myth 1: Your baby should be sleeping through the night.
How their baby sleeps is often one of the first measures of judgement directed at a new mother. It’s a common expectation that babies and young toddlers, should be put on a schedule that includes them sleeping soundly through the night all by their cute little selves. Give them a kiss, hand them a binkie and leave the room, right?
Wrong.
Every child develops in his or her own unique way, and many babies are hard-wired to wake up at night during their early years. Sleep studies conducted on infants and the topic of night-waking can provide some insight. A study conducted in the U.S. that separated infants into groups between 3 and 12 months of age found that most babies across all of the age groups woke up during the night; 50% of whom even at the 12-month age range still needed help from their parents to get back to sleep. One Australian study surveyed over 3,000 parents and found that regular night waking didn’t become less common for families until after a child was 24 months (two years!) old. A Finnish study released in 2020 that examined patterns of infant sleep of 5,700 children, as well as parent input, found that sleep habits vary greatly from child to child and, for most children, it’s normal for sleep problems to last through the first two years of life.
“It’s important to define what sleeping through the night means,” says Shahnila Ahmad, Certified Infant Sleep Educator and La Leche League Leader. “Everyone has their own sleep pattern and what is normal for an adult is not normal for a baby. For a baby, ‘through the night’ actually means about 5 hours. So if the baby goes to bed at 8 p.m. and wakes up at 1 a.m., they slept through the night.”
The fact is that your baby’s ability to sleep for long stretches through the night will happen on their developmental timeline which will likely be as unique as they are. If they sleep through the night without issue, great. If they don’t, that’s totally normal, too, and in no way does it mean that you aren’t doing an awesome job being a mom.
Myth #2: Your baby only wants you as a “pacifier.”
Breastfed babies will often wake at night to feed. The idea behind this myth is that breastfed babies don’t have nutritional needs at night and only seek the mother/breast for comfort and soothing. Not only is this wrong, but it can also be hurtful for a new mother to hear. Breastfed babies have nutritional needs in daytime and in nighttime. Breast milk digests quickly compared to other animal or alternative milks, and thus necessitates more frequent feedings for baby’s caloric and nutritional needs to be met.
As a breastfed baby grows, meets milestones, faces illnesses, and adapts to life changes, their nutritional needs and feeding habits at the breast also change and adapt. The makeup of nutrients, water and fat within the mother’s milk also changes and adapts. This is why major health organizations, breastfeeding education programs, and breastfeeding support networks such as La Leche League International, encourage breastfeeding mothers to respond to all of baby’s cues to breastfeed, whether day or night, a practice that is termed “on-demand breastfeeding” or “responsive feeding”. Breastfeeding a child when they ask for it helps to ensure their nutritional needs are met as they grow, especially if they are younger and being exclusively breastfed or not yet eating regular solid meals. Even when a breastfed child is older and getting most of their nutrition from solid foods or other milks, there is nothing wrong with them wanting to seek closeness and comfort from their mother through additional breastfeeding. For as long as a mother enjoys breastfeeding her child, responding to those feeding cues can help promote strong bonding, attachment, and nurturing of her child’s needs.
Myth #3: Breastfeeding at night will spoil your baby.
Let’s be clear: It is impossible to spoil a baby, or any child for that matter, by responding to their needs. Since babies don’t have the ability to verbally express themselves, they let us know their needs by expressing themselves physically. And it’s our job to interpret and respond to those needs in order to help nurture healthy growth and development.
If a baby shows signs of searching for the breast at night, it is because they need to breastfeed. They might need it for nutrition because they are entering a growth spurt and need to cluster feed in order to get more calories. They might need it for comfort because they are teething. They might need it for health benefits when they’re feeling unwell. They might need it simply because they want to know that mom is close by and soak up her smell as they feed.
Responding to your baby’s cues for breastfeeding does not spoil them, it helps them grow and develop, even at night. Aside from being beneficial for the baby, breastfeeding at night helps mom, too, by keeping her breasts healthy and her milk supply going strong. When a baby has to wait for longer stretches of time between feeds, mom’s breasts fill with milk and stay full for longer. When milk is not regularly removed, it can cause breast engorgement, which is incredibly painful for a nursing mother. If left unchecked, engorgement can lead to a cascade of other issues including latching problems, clogged ducts, or even breast infections.
Over time, repeated filling of the breasts can cause mom’s overall milk production to dwindle. Since breastfeeding is essentially a supply and demand system, less demand at the breast means less supply of milk. In addition, prolactin, a main hormone that keeps mom’s milk supply going, is secreted in larger amounts during the night. Breastfeeding at night in turn sends extra signals to mom’s body to keep making more milk which helps her supply last longer overall. This is an important point for mothers who wish to continue breastfeeding beyond the first six months.
“We need to be able to look at everything from a broader view,” says Ahmad. “The time we
have with our babies is very short. It’s important to tune in to them so we can meet
their needs.”
Myth #4: If you sleep with your baby now, they will never leave your bed (or room).
This one makes me laugh, especially as a mother of big kids who still enjoy trying to sneak into my bed from time to time. But the fact remains, sleeping with a baby in your bedroom, or your actual bed, does not mean they will never be able to sleep on their own. Children learn to sleep on their own when they’re ready. It’s developmental, not parental.
If you choose to breastfeed, keeping baby close to you at night can have its benefits, including:
● Being able to respond quicker to baby’s cues
● Less sleep disturbance for mom and baby
● Easier access for feedings
How you choose to sleep with your baby, whether in your bed, in a side-cot next to the bed, in a crib inside the bedroom or another room, is totally up to you. Definitely look into the benefits and risks of all sleeping situations and make an informed choice that best suits your family’s needs.
Melissa Barreto is a homeschooling mother of five and the Co-Founder of Wildflower Homeschool Collective, a homeschool organization based in New Jersey. She is also a Certified Breastfeeding Counselor.
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