Technological advancements have served to polarize older and younger generations significantly in the past 20 years. In many aspects, we feel disconnected to our children because their interests and behavior are largely driven by what they see on social media, movies, games, and television programs. Nevertheless, we still want to teach our young generation the skills it takes to make and maintain a harmonious Muslim home.
Although daily routines can differ, there are morals and life skills that are timeless. Our Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, was an excellent example of how to balance work and home life. No matter how much things have changed when it comes to entertainment and external influences, we can still hold on to his traditions of good adab (or character) while taking care of our households and families. Learning these examples and modeling them early can help our children build good habits to manage successful homes.
Here are seven ahadith that highlight the ways in which the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, conducted his daily affairs at home that we can imitate.
1. Maintaining work-life balance.
The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, advised:
“Your Lord has a right over you, your own self has a right over you, and your wife has a right over you; so give each one who has a right that which is due.”
(Bukhari)
When he was giving this advice, he was addressing a companion who was neglecting his home to excel in worship and good deeds. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, informed him that to truly achieve balance, there must be justice and fairness with those inside and outside the home. Care should be taken to give appropriate time to spouses, children, and cleaning the house.
2. Having good personal hygiene.
Maintaining our bodies healthy and clean should always be a priority and something that should be promoted throughout the day. The Prophet was an excellent role model in this regard. It was reported that when the Prophet arose at night, he would clean his mouth with the siwak (toothstick). (Bukhari, Muslim) He would also clean his mouth with siwak first thing when entering his house after being outside. (Muslim)
Abu Huraira reported: “The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said, ‘Verily, I am only like a father to you in the way that I teach you. When one of you goes to relieve himself, he should not face the direction of prayer or turn his back to it completely, and he should not cleanse himself with his right hand.’”
(Abu Dawud)
Before advising his companions, the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, reminded them that he was only doing so out of love just like a father for his child. Teaching good manners and hygiene to our children should also come from a place of compassion, so they learn to love the action.
3. Establishing prayer in the home.
As the saying goes, “a family who prays together, stays together,” InshaAllah (God-willing). There are countless benefits to making a routine out of praying together like modeling good behavior for everyone in the house, establishing a connection to Allah as a family, and prioritizing prayer over other worldly affairs. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, would wake up to pray and wake his family to pray. Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, said that during the last ten nights of Ramadan, it was their routine to wake up together for worship.
Aisha reported: “When the last ten nights of Ramadan arrived, the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, would tighten his belt, spend the night in worship, and awaken his family.”
(Bukhari, Muslim)
This is a habit we should practice inside and outside Ramadan. Special occasions may be a springboard to jump into a schedule but maintaining a lifestyle of worship throughout the year is the goal.
4. Being patient during times of adversity.
In marriage and raising family, there are times of prosperity and times of hardship. In Spanish, we say “estamos en las vacas flacas o en las vacas gordas” or we are in the time of the skinny cows vs. the fat cows, like in the story of Prophet Yusuf, peace be upon him. There are days when there is plenty of cash and food, but some days there may not be a lot to go around. If there was no food available in the home, the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, would not complain or place demands on his family. Rather, he would make the intention to fast and carry on about his day while fasting.
It was narrated that Aisha said: “The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, would enter upon me and say: ‘Do you have anything (any food)?’ If we said: ‘No,’ he would say: ‘Then I am fasting.’ So he would continue fasting, then it we were given some food, he would break his fast. She said: ‘Sometimes he would fast and (then) break fast (i.e., combine fasting and breaking fast in one day).’ I said: ‘How is that?’ She said: ‘Like the one who goes out with charity (i.e., something to give in charity), and he gives some away and keeps some.’”
(Bukhari)
Being flexible teaches our family all about resilience, patience, and trusting Allah.
5. Sharing responsibilities in the home and taking iniative.
Imagine a prophet and messenger of Allah doing household chores like cleaning, cooking, or serving. The thought should not surprise us because Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, the Seal of all the prophets, helped around the house. If he can do it, then so can we and our children. When describing what the Prophet used to do at home, Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, said:
"He used to keep himself busy serving his family and when it was time for the prayer, he would get up for prayer."
(Bukhari)
Al-Aswad bin Yazid, a student of the companions, said, "I asked Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, 'What did the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, do when he was with his family?' She replied, 'He would do chores for his family, and when it was time for the prayer, he would go out.'" (Bukhari, Al-Adab Al-Mufrad 538)
Not only would the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, help his family, but also tend to his own affairs without being asked. He would not wait for other people to seek his aid or to help him with simple tasks. No matter how insignificant the job, he would do it himself.
Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, was asked about what he would do in his spare time, she said: “He did what one of you would do in his house. He mended sandals and patched garments and sewed.” She also said, “He was a man like other men. He removed the fleas from his garment and milked his sheep."
(Al-Adab Al-Mufrad, 540, 541)
We must teach our children to be responsible for their own belongings and to take care of the things at home that may not necessarily belong to them. Life at home is about teamwork and everyone in the family should be working together to keep things functional, clean, and organized.
6. Advising family.
While the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, was not busy advising his followers, he was at home advising his family. He was especially compassionate when speaking with his wives. In fact, most of the people in his household were women since his male sons died very early.
Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, said: "I was on a camel that was somewhat intractable, and I began to beat it. The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, 'You must be compassionate. Whenever there is compassion in something, it adorns it, and whenever it is removed from something it disgraces it.’"
(Al-Adab Al-Mufrad)
The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, spoke kindly to his family and followers, so they would gracefully accept his advice. Allah says in the Quran:
“It is out of Allah’s mercy that you ˹O Prophet˺ have been lenient with them. Had you been cruel or hard-hearted, they would have certainly abandoned you….”
(Surah Al-Imran, 3:159)
7. Being generous with guests.
One of the best ways that children can learn good manners is by greeting and helping serve guests. They can participate in meal preparation, serving food, and offering drinks. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, taught the importance of this noble action with the following words:
“Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him honor his guest. Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him protect his neighbor. Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him speak goodness or remain silent.”
(Musnad Ahmad)
If the Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, advised an action, he was the first to implement that action. When he first received revelation and he was in fear of the ordeal, when his wife, Khadijah, may Allah be pleased with her, comforted him, she said about his character:
“By Allah, Allah will never disgrace you. You keep good relations with your kith and kin, help the poor and the destitute, serve your guests generously, and assist the deserving calamity-afflicted ones." (Bukhari)
From her words, we learn about the good qualities of her husband – being generous with guests, maintaining good relationships with relatives, and assisting those in need. These are the qualities we should strive to adhere to when dealing with our family members at home and with visitors.
Many of the ahadith cited in this article are from Al-Adab Al-Mufrad, which is Imam Al-Bukhari’s compilation of hadith related to good manners. This book is a great resource for families to explore together and learn about all aspects related to perfecting Muslim character, one of the key elements of our faith. Being a good Muslim begins with having good character.
The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said: “No father has ever given a child a gift that is superior to good manners.”
(Tirmidhi)
May Allah help us to instill good manners in ourselves and in our children. Ameen.
Wendy Díaz is a Puerto Rican Muslim writer, award-winning poet, translator, and mother of six (ages ranging from infant to teen). She is the co-founder of Hablamos Islam, a non-profit organization that produces educational resources about Islam in Spanish (hablamosislam.org). She has written, illustrated, and published over a dozen children’s books and currently lives with her family in Maryland. Follow Wendy Díaz on social media @authorwendydiaz and @hablamosislam.
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