This past year, I took a graduate class called Islamic Law and Legal Theory, taught by Dr. Mariam Sheibani through Bayan Islamic Graduate School in partnership with the Chicago Theological Seminary. Dr. Sheibani is a powerhouse whose pursuit of knowledge includes advanced studies in Islamic sciences with leading scholars from North America, Jordan, Syria, Turkey, and West Africa. She has an M.A. in Legal Studies, a second M.A., and a Ph.D. in Islamic Thought from the University of Chicago. She also completed her postdoctoral training at Harvard Law School.
Some of Dr. Sheibani’s specialties are marriage and family law, focusing on how historical Muslim societies addressed these issues. Her research draws on a rich legacy of Islamic legal traditions and social practices, spanning regions such as Muslim Spain, North Africa, the Arab provinces, and beyond. She explores how historical precedents inform contemporary discussions on marital practices, property transmission, and community-building. During our class discussion, Dr. Sheibani encouraged us to think about Islamic jurisprudence, its historical evolution, how jurists addressed past challenges, and how that relates to Muslim life in modern times.
When addressing the issue of how to get our youth marriage-ready, exploring her research is one of the best places to begin. Marriage in Islam is often romanticized and portrayed as simple, but it involves complexities that must be carefully explored to ensure that no one is taken advantage of and that young people are fully prepared for the responsibilities it entails. Sadly, in the past decade, there have been growing concerns about a Muslim "marriage crisis" in the West, with single, divorced, and widowed Muslims finding it increasingly difficult to find suitable spouses. Additionally, divorce rates are on the rise, so even those who do get married face a higher risk of encountering problems. Preparing in advance is crucial for marriage-ready youth and families to handle potential challenges.
The detailed conditions for a legal marriage in Islamic law as derived from the Quran and Sunnah and the opinion of jurists outlined in Dr. Sheibani's article, Marriage, Divorce, and Inheritance in Classical Islamic Law and Premodern Practice, differ slightly. However, some elements are "considered essential or strongly recommended by all jurists." Those include the consent of both parties, a marriage guardian (wali) for the bride, the spoken contract, a dower gifted by the husband to the wife, two witnesses attesting to the union, and public proclamation of the marriage.1
The following requirements are necessary for these conditions:
- Consent of Both Parties: Both the bride and groom must consent to the marriage. This joint consent is a fundamental requirement, as marriage is viewed as a contract based on mutual agreement.
- Presence of Witnesses: The marriage contract (nikkah) should be witnessed by at least two adult witnesses, usually male, although some schools of thought also accept female witnesses.
- Mahr (Dowry): The groom is required to provide a mahr (dowry) to the bride, which is a gift that can be monetary or in the form of property or other valuables. Both parties should agree on the amount and nature of the mahr as it serves not only as a legal obligation but also as a means of providing financial security for the bride, reinforcing her dignity and the seriousness of the marital relationship.
- Guardian's Role: In the Islamic tradition and particularly within the Shafi, Hanbali, and Maliki schools, the bride's wali must be involved in the marriage process, whether that is her father, nearest male relative, or religious leader looking out for her interest. The guardian's consent is often required, especially for unmarried women.
- Legal Capacity: Both parties must have the legal capacity to marry, which typically means they should be of a certain age and not closely related (prohibited degrees of kinship). In addition, there should be no legal impediments to the marriage, such as existing marriages (in the case of polygamy), ongoing divorce proceedings, or other prohibitions outlined in Islamic law.
It is important to note that there are slight variations in the conditions for a legal marriage in Islam based on the schools of thought the parties follow. Families should consult with scholars if they have more specific questions and instruct their children to know the gist of these differences for reference.
Preparation for Marriage
Once young people are familiar with how the marriage process is conducted in Islam, it is equally vital for them to understand their marital rights and responsibilities. Muslim youth should be well-informed about these matters before pursuing marriage, as these elements are crucial for fostering a healthy and harmonious relationship. They have to understand that marriage in Islam is not merely a contract but a sacred partnership and trust overseen by Allah that entails mutual respect, love, and support. According to Dr. Sheibani, in Islamic law, "marriage is treated as a contract of exchange that entails a number of legal consequences;" it is, thus, a matter that must be taken seriously, just like any legally binding contract. Fundamental rights include the right to receive a fair and agreed-upon mahr, the right to kind and compassionate treatment, and the right to seek fulfillment of a spouse's emotional and physical needs.
Responsibilities encompass providing for the family, maintaining open and honest communication, and upholding the principles of justice and equity in the relationship. Additionally, both partners should be aware of their roles in nurturing a supportive environment that encourages personal growth and shared spiritual development. When Muslim youth know these rights and responsibilities, they can enter marriage with a clear understanding of their many expectations and commitments. Their families must also understand these obligations so they can offer advice and support to the couple while avoiding unnecessary interference. The ultimate goal is achieving a balanced marital life built upon love, compassion, and mercy, as outlined in the Quran:
"And one of His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves so that you may find comfort in them. And He has placed between you compassion and mercy. Surely in this are signs for people who reflect."
(Surah Ar-Rum, 30:21)
Young people, both men and women, can prepare for marriage according to these guidelines:
- Understanding Rights and Responsibilities: They should educate themselves about their rights and responsibilities in marriage as outlined in Islamic teachings, including understanding the concept of partnership, mutual respect, and each partner's roles.
- Seeking Knowledge: Engaging in premarital education that covers Islamic teachings on marriage, family life, and conflict resolution can be beneficial. They may attend workshops, read relevant literature, seek guidance from knowledgeable individuals, including religious leaders, trusted teachers, and their parents, or do a combination.
- Building a Strong Foundation: Young people can focus on building a solid emotional and spiritual foundation. Before seeking an Islamic marriage, their religious affairs must be in order, starting with the basics like reaffirming their belief in Allah and accepting the Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, establishing regular prayers, fasting, and paying zakat if warranted. They should also develop good communication skills, sound emotional intelligence, and have a shared understanding of values and goals with their future spouse.
- Involving Families: Family involvement is expected in the marriage process, which can be very positive if families are supportive and understanding. Marriage-ready youth must be able to communicate openly with their families about their intentions and seek their blessings and advice.
- Financial Planning: It cannot be overemphasized that preparing for the financial aspects of marriage, including discussions about the mahr and future financial responsibilities, is essential for both men and women. Understanding their financial obligations can help set realistic expectations and reduce conflicts with the couple and families involved, including any children born from this blessed union.
- Praying for Guidance: Last but certainly not least, all parties involved in the marriage process should be engaging in regular supplications for guidance and making the right decisions when selecting a partner and other important matters.
One essential dua they can use is that of Salatul Istikhara, or the prayer for seeking counsel. The Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
"When one of you has a matter of concern, let him perform two cycles of prayer besides the obligatory prayers. Then, let him say, 'O Allah, I seek guidance from Your knowledge and power from Your might, and I ask You from Your tremendous favor. Verily, You have power and I do not have power, and You know and I do not know. You are the knowing of the unseen. O Allah, if You know that this matter (i.e. my marriage to so-and-so)* is good for my religion and my livelihood and my fate, or if it is better for my present and latter needs, then decree it for me and make it easy for me and bless me in it. But if You know that this matter (i.e. my marriage to so-and-so) is evil for my religion and my livelihood and my fate, or if it is worse for my present and latter needs, then divert it from me and keep me away from it, and decree what is good for me and then make me content with it.' Then mention his need."
(Sahih Bukhari)
* The actual matter or decision (i.e., marriage) should be mentioned when making the dua.
During her class, Dr. Mariam Sheibani offered several pieces of advice that are particularly relevant for those seeking marriage in contemporary times (and for parents who will eventually facilitate it for their children). One key recommendation is understanding the legal and ethical frameworks surrounding marriage in Islam, which can help individuals navigate their rights and responsibilities effectively. She emphasized the need for open communication between partners to encourage them to discuss their expectations, values, and goals before entering marriage.
Dr. Sheibani also mentioned that young people must seek knowledge and education about marital dynamics, including conflict resolution and financial planning, to prepare for the challenges that may arise in married life. Her research on family law highlights the importance of understanding contemporary marital rights and responsibilities and emphasizes the significance of historical precedents in shaping these laws. By examining how marriage and family law have been implemented and adapted throughout history in varying regions, we gain a sense of the evolving nature of marital relationships and the socio-cultural factors that influence them. Historical antecedents can inform modern practices and help couples navigate their roles within the framework of Islamic teachings, effectively preparing them for a realistically successful and harmonious marriage in today's world.
As parents of marriage-ready youth, it is natural to feel concerned as our children step into this significant stage where they will undertake a new role. However, with thorough preparation from all parties involved, a solid spiritual foundation, premarital education and counseling, and a supportive network, it is possible to make marriage work even in today's challenging atmosphere. As in all things Islamic, aside from prayer, the key is education. Equipping our youth with the necessary knowledge and skills is crucial to their development and the decisions they will make in adulthood.
End Notes
To read more about Dr. Mariam Sheibani's research, join her newsletter, or take one of her classes, visit: www.mariamsheibani.com/
To learn about Bayan Islamic Graduate School, visit: www.bayanonline.org/
Wendy Díaz is a Puerto Rican Muslim writer, award-winning poet, translator, and mother of six (ages ranging from infant to teen). She is the co-founder of Hablamos Islam, a non-profit organization that produces educational resources about Islam in Spanish (hablamosislam.org). She has written, illustrated, and published over a dozen children’s books and currently lives with her family in Maryland. Follow Wendy Díaz on social media @authorwendydiaz and @hablamosislam.
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