From the onset of the pandemic, many parents have been concerned about the impact it has on their children’s interpersonal skills. Many children have increasingly developed social anxiety in different forms where they have trouble making friends, communicating their feelings to others, or running to their caregiver during any encounter. Nurturing interpersonal skills in our children is a mission for every parent. Our hope is to guide our children into being kind, friendly, and empathetic humans inshaAllah, God-willing.
Our very own Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, was known for his excellent interpersonal skills. Anyone who spoke to him felt very special because of his warm gestures - he would turn his whole body towards the person, listen keenly, and respond with warmth and understanding.
There are many aspects to interpersonal skills such as:
- Communication
- Emotional Intelligence
- Teamwork
- Negotiation, Persuasion, and Influencing
- Conflict Resolution
- Problem Solving
- Decision Making
These skill sets are essential to every human being as they help to navigate our relationships throughout our lives. Taking deliberate steps to develop them is key.
The focus of this article will be on providing parents with insights that can help them help their children develop communication skills and emotional intelligence. Here are some ways you or other trusted adults such as relatives or teachers can help:
1. Teach your child how to express themselves verbally and non-verbally.
When your child feels a certain way or would like to convey their thoughts on a matter, teaching them how to express these thoughts and feelings takes effort. The words you teach them to use are an ongoing process as they grow older and develop their vocabulary. When a child gets angry, parents need to be calm and help their child realize what they are going through by making them aware of what they are feeling, and what thoughts they may be having. Your goal is to help them use tempered words to express themselves instead of using hurtful language or violence.
Here are a few things to remember when outbursts happen. According to a Aha Parenting, a website about parenting tips and issues, you must:
- Accept all feelings. ("I hear how mad you are.")
- Set firm, clear limits on actions. ("No hitting. Hitting hurts.")
- Tell them what they CAN do with their feelings. ("You can show me how mad you are by stomping your foot or you can tell me in words.")
- Regulate our own emotions so that we act with respect.
2. Encourage your child to explore their hobbies and interests in a social setting.
Have your child sign up for activities they are interested in where other peers will be involved. Whether your child is into building with Legos, painting, reading fantasy books, or even swimming, they can join clubs that focus on any of these activities and make friends through them. Their natural enthusiasm drawn from engaging in their favourite activity will be a springboard for them to interact with others around them. This situation will also help develop their creative and critical thinking, as well as communication skills.
3. Become active listeners and learn to ask questions.
Communication skills doesn’t just mean having good speaking skills, it also means to listen well. Train your children to have active listening skills where they are:
- Giving the speaker their undivided attention and acknowledging the message.
- Showing that they are listening through body language by facing their body to the speaker, nodding, smiling, and giving small verbal comments like, “yes,” and “mhm.”
- Providing feedback by reflecting on what was said. This can include saying “What I am hearing is…” or asking questions to clarify certain points – “What do you mean when you say…?”
- By allowing the speaker to finish and not interrupt.
- Responding in a respectful manner after the speaker has finished.
- Asking questions related to the topic to show that you are interested and were keenly listening. This makes the other person warm up to you.
4. Develop empathy.
Ask your child open-ended questions to make them think deeply about what someone said or did to understand the other party’s perspective. Play out a scenario for your child to make them see what it is like to be in someone else’s shoes.
5. Practice friendliness.
Have your child practice saying “hello” or “Assalam alaikum” when meeting family, friends, teachers, students, kids at the park, or service people such as doctors, dentists, cashiers, and so on. Have them give a smile and look people in the eyes when talking to them. If your child hides behind you, cries, or says that he/she does not want to, do not get upset as it is a learning experience. Talk to them shortly afterwards in a soothing tone, acknowledging how they felt, and how they can try again next time because it takes practice.
These tips will best be learned by our children by watching our actions more than teaching them. Therefore, do your best to show how you process your emotions, actively listen to others, be empathetic, and treat others in a friendly manner.
Sumayya Khan is a homeschooling mother of two and a teacher. She has worked with several Islamic schools and organizations in the last 10 years. She is currently teaching Literature online with Dawanet and studying the Qur’an through Al-Huda Institute. In her free time, she loves to spend time with her family and friends, play sports, enjoy nature, and read books. She currently resides with her family in Toronto, Canada.
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