Did you know that the longest-lasting blood relationship is that of your siblings? They outlive your parents, aunts, uncles, and even your spouse in some cases. Think about it; they were with you from before or during your birth and will likely be around after your parents will pass, and well into your old age. And when we imagine or experience our “golden years,” we think about who will remain with us? Therefore, in the face of this reality, we should endeavor to cultivate a joyous, nourishing, and stable relationship with our siblings.
Siblings are your blood relatives through either both your mother and father or either of them (half-siblings). Usually, they will spend most of your childhood and adolescence with you, witnessing your crucial stages of growth over the years physically, emotionally, mentally, and socially. They are aware of your most intimate interactions with your parents, other family members, and even friends. All in all, their presence plays a prominent role in your life.
A Gift from Allah
Considering the long and salient presence they have in your life, your siblings are a gift from Allah as they can be your lifelong friends.
They will go through your ups and downs in life as you slowly build up your personality and life for adulthood. Moreover, due to their proximity in our youth, we tend to take them for granted when using their help in day-to-day life, confiding in them when we’re feeling down, taking their advice during a rough patch, and enjoying their company during good times. They understand you inside out and are your companions through all of it.
Therefore, acknowledging their continuous presence in our lives is crucial. As adults, we should continue to maintain or rekindle a strong relationship with them, and help our own children realize the importance of regularly maintaining a good relationship with their own siblings.
Islamic Significance Given to Siblings
Due to their consistent proximity, they are arguably the easiest category of ties of kinship to maintain. If we don’t take advantage, then we can lose out on the great reward from it. When adulthood rolls around, we can slowly grow apart from them as we get busy with work, school, marriage, or parenthood. One day, we may miss the closeness we had with them growing up, and perhaps regret not valuing that time spent with them.
And what is the reward for maintaining ties of kinship? The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon him, said:
“Whoever would like his provision to be increased and his life to be extended, should uphold the ties of kinship.”
(Narrated by Al-Bukhari, 5986, and Muslim, 2557)
Our blessings increase and many worldly problems are resolved because of showing kindness, gratefulness, compassion, and a loving presence in our family members’ lives. Another example of how Allah provides relief, help, and even saves us from humiliation because we provided the same to another believer, related to us or not, is given in the following hadith. It is narrated that the Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, said:
“If anyone relieves a Muslim believer from one of the hardships of this worldly life, Allah will relieve him of one of the hardships of the Day of Resurrection. If anyone makes it easy for the one who is indebted to him (while finding it difficult to repay), Allah will make it easy for him in this worldly life and in the Hereafter, and if anyone conceals the faults of a Muslim, Allah will conceal his faults in this world and in the Hereafter. Allah helps His slave as long as he helps his brother.”
(Muslim)
Benefits of Having Siblings
Siblings positively affect our lives in many ways that we do not realize. Here are some ways they benefit us:
1. They are role models for us.
Whether it is applying for a job, studying for an exam, looking for a spouse, or even learning how to ride a bike, watching their experiences helps younger siblings learn from their successes and mistakes and can likely do better when it is their turn to do those things.1 These experiences are also motivating factors for them. Often, we would probably be less likely to try something new unless our sibling did it.
Unfortunately, the same applies for bad habits or negative experiences such as engaging in violence, addictive behaviours, or making friends with the wrong crowd. Such is the profound influence of siblings after all.
2. They encourage intellectual growth.
According to research, there is a modest sibling spillover effect from an older sibling to a younger one in school achievement.2 Younger siblings are likely to emulate a studious or high-achieving older sibling in other areas. Even as babies, younger siblings catch on new words and phrases quicker from the older ones. The older ones also teach them new skills and help them through new experiences. Therefore, parents are not the only ones involved in the upbringing of these younger siblings.
3. They improve our well-being and overall behaviour.
Having the positive presence of siblings, especially sisters, reduces your risk of depression and anxiety. Having “a sister protected adolescents from feeling lonely, unloved, guilty, self-conscious, and fearful. It didn’t matter whether the sister was younger or older, or how far apart the siblings were age-wise.”3 Even after the influence of parents, siblings give something that parents don’t. For example, having a loving sibling – regardless of gender – brought about charitable attitudes more than loving parents did.4 If that sibling engaged in good actions such as helping a neighbour, the other sibling was very likely to do the same. Enough that the relationship between sibling affection and good deeds was twice as strong as that between parenting and good deeds!
SubhanAllah, Glory be to Allah, look at the great impact they have upon us. Therefore, it is important that all siblings are engaging in regular Islamic practices such as prayer, fasting, consistent charity, or kindness to others as they all heavily influence each other.
4. They are there for us.
The capacity in which siblings can be there for you in especially hard or joyous times, is mostly unmatched. They have a link to you in ways others do not. Most of the time, they will forgive you and restore their relationship with you as well because Allah has put something special in between you and them. Therefore, rely on them even in your adulthood. Seek them out and consistently keep track of how they are doing and what is important to them. Be there for them in a way they will appreciate. Allah has provided a safety net for you through them.
Ways to Maintain a Strong Siblingship
Inspired by “Families that Flourish,” an in-depth study on how healthy functioning families work, here is a simple list of how one can maintain a strong siblingship:
- Freely forgive, as Allah will forgive you to ease your affairs.
- If there was an altercation, let go of the hurts quickly and check in with the other party.
- Speak kindly to each other always, even if you do not want to.
- Be committed and speak and act in ways that show your family you are in it for the long haul. Be willing to sacrifice or carve out time for their important events or any major occurrences such as medical emergencies or appointments, babysitting their children, and so on.
- Understand that your way isn’t always the only or best way, and you might have to give up things you want or need for the greater good of your family.
- Do not use the silent treatment, and do not dismiss another sibling’s feelings. It will only lead to pushing you two apart and making amends difficult. You want to show openness to listening to their perspective and coming to a compromise if needed.
- Do not be relationally aggressive where you talk badly about each other to other people. Rather, assume good motives from one another. Allah has mentioned in the Quran:
“O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead? You would detest it. And fear Allah; indeed, Allah is Accepting of repentance and Merciful.”
(Surah Al-Hujurat, 49:12)
The Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, also gave the same advice:
“O community of people, who believed by their tongue, and belief did not enter their hearts, do not back-bite Muslims, and do not search for their faults, for if anyone searches for their faults, Allah will search for his fault, and if Allah searches for the fault of anyone, He disgraces him in his house.”
(Sunan Abi Dawud, 4880)
Overall, if we wish to keep our Ummah strongly bonded, then we must start at home with our siblings. What we learn from dealing with our siblings’ different personalities and approaches to life impacts how we act around other people outside of our home. And if we learn to achieve harmonious unity at home, we can bring those social skills to the community. It all starts with empathy, compassion, forgiveness, and wanting for the other what you would want for yourself. Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, was harmony-seeking for his family and community. After all, he is the one who said:
“None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself."
(Sahih Bukhari)
Let us all try to emulate the same with our siblings and family, inshaAllah, God-willing.
End Notes
1 8 Ways Your Siblings Can Be A Source of Barakah for You - ProductiveMuslim.com
2 Sibling Spillover Effects in School Achievement
3 Sisters give siblings better mental health, study shows - BYU News
Sumayya Khan is a homeschooling mother of two and a teacher. She has worked with several Islamic schools and organizations in the last 10 years. She is currently teaching Literature online with Dawanet and studying the Qur’an through Al-Huda Institute. In her free time, she loves to spend time with her family and friends, play sports, enjoy nature, and read books. She currently resides with her family in Toronto, Canada.
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