Boys With Long Hair: Respecting Prophetic and Indigineous Customs

Alright, that’s it. I am going to say what is on the minds of mothers of boys with long hair: Stop telling me what I should and should not do with my child’s hair! Many mothers, myself included, are tired of unsolicited advice about their children’s appearance. It is really none of your business. Your intentions may be pure, but your approach is all wrong. You may even be misinformed about what is and what is not acceptable when it comes to Muslim men and boys with long hair. In light of the saying of Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him,  

“From the excellence of a man’s Islam is to leave that which does not concern him,” (At-Tirmidhi) 

Let’s talk about boys’ hair specifically. Yes, whether straight or textured, boys can have long hair. There is nothing in the Quran or the Sunnah that says otherwise. In fact, it is quite the opposite. The Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, sported long locks and historically, many Muslim boys and men have had long hair. Why is our community so averse to it now? In this article, we will analyze what has happened to shift our opinion from embracing manly manes to preferring conservative crops. 

Some Background

My personal study of sunnah hairstyles and struggle against hair discrimination within the Islamic community began over a decade ago. A few weeks into the school year at my son’s Islamic preschool, I received a message from his teacher, but it did not come in the form of a letter or email. In fact, it was not written at all; sadly, it was sent through my four-year-old. He told me, “Mami, the teacher says you have to cut my hair.” When I asked him why, he just shrugged his shoulders. 

It was not the first or the last time others outside our immediate family made comments or suggestions about his hair, which is usually kept shoulder length. On the worst occasions, people would mistake him for a girl, even though he was dressed in typical male attire or sitting in the men’s section of the mosque. Muslims were very vocal about the mishap, impolitely asking while he could hear, “Why is his hair so long?” Or someone would address my son directly saying, “You need a haircut!” My son is now in his teens and people still comment on his long, indigenous jet-black hair that now sits just above his shoulder blades. In native Ecuadorian culture, men grow their straight black hair long and keep it in two braids. It is a distinct tradition that I would like to keep alive in our Latino family. This is our choice.

Why strangers think their opinions matter or that they even have a right to tell us what to do with our child’s hair is beyond me. Years of cultural conditioning and Western influence has changed how the Muslim community defines masculinity. So much so, that despite our own Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, having long hair, Muslims are often bothered by seeing boys with long locks. Cultural conditioning is when a group of people adopt and internalize social norms imposed on them by a dominant culture, the media, and other external influences in their environment. These norms then become part of their own beliefs and practices. After years of interventionism, mass migrations, and globalization, Muslim men have largely adopted the hairstyles that are deemed acceptable by the West, rather than preserve the traditions of their ancestors. 

Breaking the Shackles of Cultural Conditioning

Did you know that men in the United States went to court for the right to wear their hair long in the 1970’s? There was a movement back then for men to have the freedom to grow out their locks and avoid discrimination. There is a famous quote from that time: 

“Nothing is more indicative of the importance currently being attached to hair growth by the general populace than the barrage of cases reaching the courts evidencing the attempt by one segment of society to control the plumage of another.” 

Supreme Court Justice William 0. Douglas

This was the era of the hippies with long hair and afros of the Civil Rights movement. Both styles were political statements symbolizing a rejection of cultural assimilation. Long hair in the 60’s and 70’s was synonymous with fighting the system of oppression or “sticking it to the man.” It was a symbolic representation of anti-war protests, the struggle for civil rights, and popular culture trends in arts and entertainment – what people nowadays would call “being woke.”

The growing hair (pun intended) revolution in the U.S. is far from over. Instead of hippies, we now have hipsters, and the debate in favor of afros has expanded to include other natural hair styles. Despite previous efforts to challenge social norms, it was not until July 3, 2019, that California became the first state to prohibit discrimination over natural hair, specifically for African Americans and others with textured hair. The Creating a Respectful and Open World for Natural Hair (CROWN) Act was signed into law at that time to ban employees and educational institutions from discriminating against anyone with afros, braids, twists, or dread locks. The state of New York followed suit the same year as other states prepared or are in the process for passing similar anti-discrimination laws. 

What is Old is New Again 

As influencers and policymakers cry out buzzwords like diversity, inclusion, and representation, it would be hypocritical to exclude the personal right to choose how to style our hair and that of our children. For Muslims, aside from societal norms that do not clash with our religious convictions, we follow the criteria of the Quran and the Prophetic examples. When it comes to hair length, there are several ahadith describing the way Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, used to wear his own tresses. Here are some examples:

Al-Bara, may Allah be pleased with him, said: “The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, was a man of medium height, broad shouldered with thick hair hanging down to his earlobes.” (Bukhari, Muslim)

Anas, may Allah be pleased with him, said: “The hair of the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him,  came down to his shoulders.”

His wife, Aisha, may Allah be pleased with her, said: “The hair of the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, came between his earlobes and his shoulders.”

Ibn Abbas reported: “The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, would let his hair hang down, while the idolaters would part their hair. The people of the Book would let their hair hang down and the Prophet liked to agree with the people of the Book in matters for which he received no divine command. Later, the Prophet parted his hair.” (Bukhari, Muslim) 

[An Nawawi explained that both letting the hair hang over the forehead and parting it are permissible according to this hadith.]

The length of the hair of Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, varied depending on different circumstances and preferences. According to other narrations, we also learn that he shaved his head and dyed his hair, as well (Bukhari). 

Not only did Prophet Muhammad have long hair, but so did other prophets and scholars of the past. Isa ibn Maryam or Jesus, peace be upon him, who is even depicted by Christians as having long flowing hair and a beard, was said to have hair down to his shoulders. 

Abdullah ibn Umar reported: “The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, ‘I saw a vision last night by the Kaba in my sleep. There was a brown-skinned man, as beautiful as I had ever seen. His hair fell between his shoulders, a man whose head was dripping with water. He placed his hands on the shoulders of two men as he circled the House. I said: Who is this? They said: It is the Messiah, son of Mary.’” (Bukhari, Muslim)

Historically, long hair on a male child or adult represented power, vitality, high status, and wealth in many cultures around the world. Some ethnic groups still consider longer hair as a sign of strength and beauty for both men and women. Even in its early history, the U.S., the governing class sported long hair or wigs as a sign of wealth and nobility. It was normal for Muslim men to have long hair in the Middle East, Asia, and Africa. However, men’s hair length has since been influenced by colonialism. 

According to a Los Angeles Times article titled “A History of Men’s Hairstyles,” in Europe royalty wore their hair long while members of the lower classes and slaves either had short hair or shaved heads. Long hair differentiated the ruling class from their subjects. It was not until the 19th and 20th centuries that Americans adopted shorter hair styles. In World War II soldiers began getting crew cuts to comply with hygiene requirements put in place to treat and avoid getting head lice. 

Modern Long Hair Trends in the Muslim Community 

Good hair hygiene is certainly important. The Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him, said, “He who has hair should honor it.” (Abu Dawud) If a parent and/or child can take care of their hair by washing it and combing it properly, and wearing it in an honorable manner, then no one should pressure them to keep it short. 

The problem is when people choose to harass others because of their own biases against long hair. More than one of my son’s teachers at Islamic school has suggested my son’s hair should be kept short despite us keeping it clean and brushed, but we have refused time and again. We are not alone in our experiences. I spoke with other Muslim mothers whose children have long hair and asked their feelings about the topic. 

• A mother of three from New York, said, “Both my boys had long hair but now only the youngest does. The middle one, I felt succumbed to the pressure of people always questioning if he was a girl. Adults asking me if he was a girl in his presence. After some time, he relinquished the long look despite my support. My smaller one has been in love with his afro since he was 3ish. I kept reinforcing how beautiful it was, how it reflected so much of his native and African bloodlines. I bought him books on long-haired boys. And he loved one Islamic book that featured a boy that looked just like him. It was important for me to support his choice, like any other choice that is within the limits of Islam. Besides, the Prophet himself had long hair (at least longer than what we think.) But more importantly, it was my son's choice and I have to respect that boundary despite the naysayers. The community needs to understand that there is no one-size-fits-all look for a boy. We have our limits in that the genders cannot look like one another but that has nothing to do with the length of the hair or wearing a pink shirt. (We should also know) that comments should be kept far away from the ears of young Muslim boys who could be hurt by them. All Muslims, including young boys, should feel safe amongst other Muslims and that encompasses their feelings and efforts to halal express themselves in any way they want.”
• Another mother from Bogota, Colombia, South America, said that a brother in the masjid even told her son that he was “less of a man” for having long hair. 
• A mother of five from New Jersey, said that, while she has not received any direct negative comments about her boys’ long hair, people from the Muslim community have mistaken them for girls. 

While this may be just an innocent mistake, it is all too common. On one occasion, while my son was sitting in the masjid next to his father and brother waiting for the Eid prayer, one of the organizers approached him and told him that the sister’s prayer area was in the back. Although he was very uncomfortable and embarrassed, he corrected the gentleman by telling him that he was, in fact a boy! He now wears a cap or kufi when he goes to the masjid for prayer to avoid a similar situation. Sadly, many people have forgotten that some of the greatest leaders and warriors from our Islamic history had epically long manes. I try to remind my children about this, so they feel proud and never ashamed of their appearance.

Now with the promotion of “wokeism,” our community should also be talking about taking back our right to choose how we style our hair and that of our children. Embracing our cultural differences and preferences should be part of the conversation. If our intention is to promote our right to be unapologetically Muslim and reject discrimination, then these sentiments apply in our own communities. We must allow our children to freely express their individuality within the boundaries of our faith. Likewise, when it comes to long hair, we should be pleased that our young boys are emulating the heroes of our past, especially our Prophet, peace and blessings be upon him. As mentioned previously, he suggested that if we have hair, we should honor it. We can do so by following his example in keeping it long or short, based on our intentions and without fear of criticism.  

Wendy Díaz is a Puerto Rican Muslim writer, award-winning poet, translator, and mother of six (ages ranging from infant to teen). She is the co-founder of Hablamos Islam, a non-profit organization that produces educational resources about Islam in Spanish (hablamosislam.org). She has written, illustrated, and published over a dozen children’s books and currently lives with her family in Maryland. Follow Wendy Díaz on social media @authorwendydiaz and @hablamosislam.